Ow getting more involved with my children

[eve34]

Just asking for opinions. Although I think do nothing is the best course of action.

Kids Dad left for other women. She is a lot younger than we are.

I am certain that he has told her all sorts that is probably not true. So it is likely that I have been painted in a bad light already.

He is also a manipulative bully. To me and the kids at time.

Ow is at most contact days now and getting to know the kids.

Do I ask to meet her. Talk to her? I would like to meet so that I don't become some Ogre that can never be mentioned. And say if there is ever a problem with the children she can get in touch.

Would I appear completely bonkers?

What has other people's experience been

I don't think you need to meet her and if it was me I would decline. Do you introduce him to everyone new you have around your kids?

No. That was my thoughts too. That if I make this a thing then he has the same option to anyone I may meet further down the line.

I have purposely avoided meeting the other woman despite my son spending time with her. I can't face it. I believe I need to get over it because your children need to feel they can talk about her to you. And if your ex is abusive, you need her on your side to help protect the children.

Think it depends on how old the kids are, if you think she will be a permenant fixture in their lives, if he is a hands off dad likely to pick them up then go off and do his own thing leaving her with the kids....
If its just about her seeing you as an ogre then no. What she thinks does not matter.

I would like to think it will fizz out but got to remember how charming he can be and she is so young. ( yes i know there are people who left Home at 18 and had a family bit she hasn't)

I think I will leave it be for now. I have to trust him to make the right decisions and failing that she will get to see first hand his parenting skills.

Thank you for your thoughts. I think dignified silence is best for now.

Dignified silence is always the best here. Sorry you're going through this OP

Be friendly and polite in-front of DC. That's about it.

My DPs ex asked to meet me before I meet the kids. It wasn't an affair though. Although she's convinced herself it was. I initially agreed but then she made lots of unreasonable demands.

I would recommend not. Just try and be positive, don't bad mouth in front of kids. Etc

If your ex has painted you in a bad light then one meeting with her won't be enough to make her change her mind if your ex is consistently referring to you as crazy or batshit or whatever. Remember as well that at the moment it's probably in her own self interest to believe you're not a nice person - it's part of the cheater's script to demonise the spouse who was cheated on because if you were lovely they'd have to face up to the fact that they behaved like arseholes