OP and Tigerbed, I’m sorry it has come to this. It just does get quite a bit more difficult the older and more experienced everyone is.
We all carry far more baggage, know better what we want and are less flexible on letting go of the things that are important to us.
I have lots of close friends living away who I keep in regular contact with (those long conversations fill up some of my nights a week). I have hobbies which make me get out of the house. I have the dog, that is as affectionate and needy not to leave me alone even when I am sleeping, but she is a dog and the day I start thinking of her as a partner in crime or start posting pictures in social media saying that she is my life or best friend, I will know I have hit rock bottom.
I tried meetup, and other apps to get you in touch with local people doing things that may interest you. It is like blind dating, I really didn’t enjoy it. I have had the most depressive “have some fun” girls nights out ever this way. I have met with people I had nothing in common with and have quite a few years of very unfulfilling stories trying to meet people this way. At the moment I am letting my friendships to grow organically as I cannot put with this artificial way of meeting people anymore.
At the end of the day, everybody is different and in my case, what I need is having a meaningful “connection” to other people and sadly, a routine that gives structure to my days. I have found that connection with people I share a background with: single parents and expats. Since we are pretty much in our own, face similar problems, are more available to meet on the weekends and share some deeper conversations that are ultimately more fulfilling than meeting with a lot of people just to talk about the weather and other “keep in the surface” stuff, I normally feel happier and somewhat supported and loved after a day out with them.
Having said that, I don’t give up on the idea of having another long term partner, I am just not keen to get emotionally involved with anyone or excited about meeting with someone until I know there is more to them than attraction (and don’t go out with anyone claiming to know if we have “it” via the proverbial “spark”. If they are looking for love at first sight having reached middle age, I don’t want to have anything to do with them).
Hang in there. Do your best to keep busy and don’t accept behaviours you wouldn’t have tolerated at other points of your life. The right relationship will come along when you are less bruised, feel better and happier and in a better position to assess when you are in a good/well balanced relationship and leave if you find you are not.
Remember, you are ready to have a relationship when you “want” one but not when you “need” it. It is the “need” factor that put us in a position of disadvantage.