Is not loving someone anymore a good enough reason to leave?

[shelentei]

As the title says really. They don't really do anything bad. But after so many talks and sit downs and things haven't changed. Is I don't love you good enough?

Of course! No point staying in an unhappy relationship.

You loved him once, what changed?

You don’t need a reason to leave. If it is no longer working for you, that is all you (or anybody else) need to know.

Depends - do you like him? do you have children? do you still find him attractive?

Personally (and this is very personal) if I still liked my partner and we had children I would stay for the children to have a stable background -but it really depends on what you mean by 'I don't love you'. That can mean anything from 'I really don't like you any more at all' to 'I've lost that spark that made me want to hold your hand, stroke your hair and kiss you til I can't breathe"

For me, the question would be is it a tolerable living situation for me and the children (do I like and respect my partner?) or is it intolerable?

For me, I loved my husband but felt I wasn't in love with him anymore, just going through the motions. It took a very long time for me to eventually realise this and end things. For me, liking and caring for someone wasn't enough.

You don’t need a reason to be ‘good enough’ but TBH, as you probably know, it’s not about having a ‘good enough’ reason but about making a decision that is right for you (and DC).

You could leave someone for wearing a shirt you don’t like for example but the triviality of that reason would indicate you were rash. Not loving someone anymore is pretty serious but also way more complicated.

IMO it is quite important to think about why you have stopped loving them, what love means to you and whether you are prepared to, want to and can (for you rather than because leaving is hard) put the work into getting the love back.

I fell out of love with my h, who in the beginning I loved very much, I only left when it became clear that I didn’t even want to try anymore and that was after a couple of years of desperately trying. Literally nothing he could have done could have made me want to stay at that point because the process of having tried for so long had just hurt me so much.

I feel I stayed at least a year too long but I also know that I was convinced I needed to try everything before I gave up. I got suicidal before leaving and that was too much.