Can't think straight

[itsallabitcrap]

DH forgot my bday. It's today. 20 years together, I thought he'd have remembered. I'm a bit gutted.
Instead of attempting to make the day a bit better, I've just been pretty much ignored while he's w

Sorry.....hit post!
There's an awful atmosphere. We're in separate rooms. I've had years of him telling me he doesn't do birthdays, valentines, anniversaries, Xmas and I feel absolutely invisible to him.
How do I move forward? There is no sincerity in him at all.

Happy birthday love.

I'm sorry you're in this situation. It sounds shit.

What do you want to do?
What would you like your life to look like?
What needs to change for you not to feel this way again?

Oh OP. Sounds like it’s crunch time?

What do you want, OP? To salvage things? Make a break?

You sound pretty unhappy. Is there any way back from today, do you think?

What’s the situation with friends, etc. Any plans for later? Can you phone a friend and go and do something? Perhaps give yourself a great birthday present and start planning a brighter future?

Happy birthday from me

😟 that's horrible! Happy birthday!

@HipsterAssassin I think you're right about crunch time.

I just want to feel visible. I just want to laugh, have things to look forward to. I don't want to feel my heart sink anymore.

He won't change, Not while I'm with him. I'm just a walking, weak willed door mat. It's so very over.

I can't go anywhere tonight, what with weather but I do need to find a way to get through this evening without going batshit mad at him. I'd just be giving him more ammo.

@PrizeOik @Miserableinmarriage thanks! I guess this birthday will be one to remember.

What would you like to do with the next twenty years of your life?

What's stopping you from doing them?

Get through tonight by deciding how you're going to live the rest of your life.

Happy Birthday lass

Thanks @MyBrilliantDisguise @MrsMozart

There is nothing stopping me from changing this I guess.

Just had another showdown with him, he absolutely refuses to talk to me. I can't cope with him breaking me all the time. He fucks up and somehow I'm the one that ends up apologising to him. I don't understand how he can get angry with me because he forgot my birthday,. How does that work????

What a great day.
No more.

happy birthday.
No advice as much own situation is too similar but remember your worth more then this.

He didn't forget your birthday - he decided to show you how much he cares. And refusing to talk to you? That's recognized as emotional abuse.

Does he 'not do' Christmas when it comes to him eating a big meal, getting presents and having time off work? I doubt it. He means 'you're my piece of shit to do my chores, so do it all for me and then I'll still crap all over it and ruin it for you.'

I would rather spend a Christmas day on my own than putting up with someone who refuses to do anything to help, then makes me feel like shit instead of celebrating. Or a birthday, or any other day either.

Happy birthday. Look forward to the rest of your life without this bastard x

It’s my Birthday today too OP, and I would be very upset if it had been forgotten.
Maybe the best gift would be one you give to yourself.... a future without him in it.

Happy Birthday 🎂

Seriously, you signed up for this? Just why?! You deserve someone who cherishes you and shows you that they love you, especially on your birthday! Organise a night out with the girls tomorrow and show this loser who's boss. Then ditch him. You've suffered enough - someone else's turn. Happy Birthday and start of a new happy life for you 💐💐

Happy Birthday

You're spot on OP, absolutely no more.

Happy Birthday, I'm sorry it hasn't been much fun.

Where do you want to be 10 years from now?

Work towards that.

Happy next birthday.

Thanks all for the birthday wishes. I can mark that birthday as the most tragic ever!

I woke on the sofa this morning, feeling pretty damn positive and determined. He's still completely blanking me, I don't care in the slightest, enough is enough now.

I guess what I'm looking for is coping strategies to get through the weekend. I can't go to a friends and I don't want to leave my kids with this arse but I don't want to be belittled anymore or lose my rag, this is what he wants so he can tell me how menopausal or hormonal I am or unappreciative or whatever shit he wants to pull out the bag.

I need focus and a bit of strength and to remind myself that this isn't my future.

This isn't your future. Now the decision is made the mental response to his ridiculousness is "Not my circus. Not my monkeys". Spend your time doing your thing and planning.