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Original poster

He drained the life out of me!!

25 replies

Masterpiece008 · 02/03/2018 08:32

I recently met a man through OLD, arranged to meet and he forgot his phone, so I arranged to go to him a week later. The meeting went well and we arranged for him to come over for lunch ( we live in different cities)

I am at a stage in my life that I need consistency - ie, if we arranged to meet, I need him to confirm that he on his way and when he leaves, I would like to know that he has arrived ok.

I spent the day with him, cooked some food, however, this man cannot stop complaining, he complains about anything and everything. When I made him coffee, apparently, it was not strong enough, so I ask him to make his own coffee. During lunch, he does not drink during the day, he does not watch TV, blah blah blah....

When it was time for him to go, he started complaining that he should not have come and that he needed to stay for a few days etc. I had already explained that he could not stay in my house as I have other people to consider.

I ended it with him last night, I don't have the energy to listen to a grown up man complains non stop. I don't need to be around a person who sees problems in everything. I like to see goodness in everything and I hate people who whinge about everything.

Spending the day with this man has completely drained me and I needed the whole day in bed.

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 02/03/2018 08:39

Lesson learned.
Next time cut the date short.
Don't waste any energy on this kind of person.
He's a CF as well if he asked to stay.
Who does that???
Weirdo.
You are well rid.
NEXT!!!>>>>

Original poster
Masterpiece008 · 02/03/2018 08:41

@Hells, thank you!

OP posts:
userxx · 02/03/2018 08:42

Christ that sounds hideous! Get to know someone a lot better before you invite them to your house in future.

Minus4 · 02/03/2018 08:42

Why would you invite someone you barely know to your home for a whole day? You must be mad!

Original poster
Masterpiece008 · 02/03/2018 08:44

@Minus, you are right!

OP posts:
IsDaveThere · 02/03/2018 12:22

Would you expect him to drink coffee that he doesn't like rather than tell you he prefers it stronger? Surely the telling you that he doesn't drink during the day or watch TV is just part of getting to know each other?

It doesn't sound like you are compatible though so probably best that you have ended it.

Butterymuffin · 02/03/2018 12:33

He doesn't sound like he was trying to impress you which is disappointing for a second date. However, I agree with Dave about the coffee, and it seems very early for me to demand someone tells you when they've set off, when they've arrived home etc. It's a second date. But as Dave said, it sounds as if you're not compatible so move on.

Sunbeam18 · 02/03/2018 12:33

Good dodge!

hellsbellsmelons · 02/03/2018 12:43

Like I said - lesson learned.
I had a 1st date at my house once.
I've learnt never to do that again.
I cut it short. He got the message loud and clear and left.

ALittleBitConfused1 · 02/03/2018 13:27

All sounds a bit dramatic and if someone expected me to text them that often at that stage there wouldn't be a 2nd date

Purpledahlia88 · 02/03/2018 15:08

Should not have come but also wanted to stay for a mini break?? I don't get it

Original poster
Masterpiece008 · 02/03/2018 15:15

Thank you everyone for your advice and insight.

We arranged the first date and took time off work, I work part-time as well as run my business, time management is very important to me - I wasted the whole day as he forgot his phone at home and did not confirm whether the meeting was on or off.

I went to the place and stood there like a muppet.

@Dave, you are right! The TV was just there as a background noise, I personally do not watch TV, I often put the food channel on for some background noise. I had prepared lunch and wine was on offer, I had other drinks too, which he could help himself to.

I do not want to drip feed, however, he complained that he was cold, I had put the heating to "max" and brought the blow fan.

I do not think we were compatible - I like a simple life. What's the point of complaining about everything? I work with some people who would do anything just to have their health back.

I feel that I accommodated him well, I just don't have the time and energy for any grown up man who want to whinge and whinge.

I have two rules in my life, if you can change it, do it, if you can't there is really no point complaining about it to others. I have my own problems, when I invite someone to my house, I just want to relax and do not want to be walking on egg shells.

Simple life, no drama, no unnecessary conflicts, no headache - you want to do something, do it! You do not want to do something, don't do it.

Is it too hard to ask for peace? A relationship minus the drama?

OP posts:
Original poster
Masterpiece008 · 02/03/2018 15:26

@Purple, he had an appointment the next day, so mini holiday was not possible. He was sending me on the guilt trip.

Energy vampire, it does not matter what you do, they want to find something to make you feel guilty.

OP posts:
LesisMiserable · 02/03/2018 15:37

Disappointing date but also a very odd choice for what was a first date in effect.

Guess you wont do that again?

ravenmum · 02/03/2018 15:42

If he hadn't confirmed the first date, why did you go?

Postsynapticdensity · 02/03/2018 15:42

I think your reaction says more about you than it does about the date. It's obvious it was never going to work between you so that's alright.

As we get older we get more set in our ways and we like coffee one way and we just ask please if we can have it that way. I think that because it was your home you took the complaints somewhat personally, like it seems rude that if you are making an effort to host and your duty is to make the other person comfortable and they are not, you are almost failing. He could have just been polite like you do in other peoples house and put up with the small discomforts I guess, but he didnt.

So next?

Original poster
Masterpiece008 · 02/03/2018 15:44

@Lesis, this was in fact third date - first date, we were both there, but minus phone, it did not happened.

Second date, I went to his city and we met.

Third date - lunch in my house. he chose the date and time - So, as to his complaints - there are really no base.

OP posts:
ravenmum · 02/03/2018 15:47

I guess that he must have said these things in a complaining manner, as there's obviously nothing wrong in saying you are cold, don't drink, don't watch TV per se. Must have made it sound critical?

Original poster
Masterpiece008 · 02/03/2018 15:50

@Post, he was right there as I was making the coffee. I asked him how much and also about the sugar.

I work for a gentleman and his wife and the man is very particular about his tea - I am very accommodating. He told me exactly how much coffee to put in the cup and the same with sugar.

We are all grown up and we should all aim to lift people up rather than drain them mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally.

I too is now set in my own ways - I like to leave people better than I found them. I complain less and appreciates everything and value people's efford

OP posts:
ravenmum · 02/03/2018 15:56

He can act however he likes, though, can't he? Doesn't have to do things a different way to please people, as long as he accepts that he won't please people!

Original poster
Masterpiece008 · 02/03/2018 16:06

@Raven, yes! He can act in whatever ways that he likes - he is a free man!

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 02/03/2018 16:26

you dodged a great big bullet there Lady... well done Flowers

Postsynapticdensity · 02/03/2018 16:33

@Masterpiece

This man made you feel crap, this is enough to not have a date with him again. Dont feel you have to justify it, I wasnt trying to make you to, sorry if it seemed that way.

Ultimately it's a clash of values. To you it's important to appreciate the effort, but to him that even crossed the radar. Imagine how much this would piss you over time. And I bet he doesnt even know what "went wrong".

Hope you find someone that contributes to your happiness, not drains it.

Original poster
Masterpiece008 · 02/03/2018 16:39

@Gemini, you are right! Fast forward 6 months - a complete life of hell.

Today, I was at my client's house and he asked his wife, "Would you like some chocolate?"

I had already made her some lunch as well as given her a small dessert and her response was priceless - "Show me the chocolate..."

She had this cheeky smiles on her face and said, "I am full!"

What can I say about this couple? The man never complains, his wife occasionally, because she is not well. Peace - all we want is PEACE

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 02/03/2018 17:09

Peace is good Flowers

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