...that our marriage is ending because I don't do enough housework, live the life of riley at his expense and I put too much pressure on him.
I accept I'm not totally blameless, I had bad PND after our child was born and didn't recover quickly. But I've had help, antidepressants, counselling, and I had someone from a local charity come in for awhile to help me with housework, routines and to keep on top of everything.
H says it's not enough. I don't do enough housework (I clean the bathroom once a week, clean the toilet every night before bed, I wipe the kitchen surfaces every day, wash up etc). I am a SAHP even though DD is at Nursery a couple of days as she has some extra needs and gets funding to go. I take her to all appointments, do all groups/playdates with her, do all the Nursery runs apart from in very bad weather because I drive but don't own a car so the manager of the Nursery who lives on the next street will pick DD up and take her in for me or drop her with me at the end of the day (she does this with all the children that live nearby whose parents don't drive/own a car). I know I'm not blameless though, I should of pulled myself together after my PND sooner.
We have Social Services involvement because of a number of issues. Mostly because when DD was 16 months old, H was admitted to hospital with an ongoing medical condition, the condition could be fixed but H refuses to have the operation to sort it.
The Social Worker has now said that as it's been nearly 18 months since his admission to hospital, H has had more than enough chance to sort his problem but he has allowed the doctors/nurses to forget him by not attending appointments which means he'll have to have all the tests/pre-op again which could take 12-18m. The condition itself poses an infection risk and DDs Nursery have expressed concern that the situation is ongoing and are asking questions of what risk of infection DD and her friends at Nursery are.
Also during an assessment the SW noted that H doesn't prevent unnecessary accidents for DD. For example he will leave plates/bowls on his desk in the living room which is the main room that I/DD spend the day in. These will have forks and sometimes knives on which could pose a risk to DD. SW has said it is not my fault, and it is ok for me to say "it's his space so his responsibility". But H doesn't see it, says it's my problem or it's not a risk as DD can't climb. He also refuses to accept medical advice for DD, which included him speaking to his workplace and changing his hours - not cutting down, just changing them so she has a day a week with her as she hardly sees him due to his hours - SW said there was no good reason to ignore the advice, and she was happy to attend a meeting with his line manager to discuss it, H refused to even ask his line manager.
So the SW has said I have 3 choices. 1) I can kick H out, 2) I can be rehoused with DD or 3) I can stay with him but DD be placed in temporary foster care which could be up to 30 miles away which as I don't own a car would be hard to get to.
I've chosen option 2. We need to move due to DDs physical difficulties anyway.
H is blaming me, saying it's my fault as I'm lazy, he claims I never clean the bathroom (I do as said above!), says I never take our DD to Nursery because she's been picked up twice in the last week and dropped off twice as well (SW has said this is fine as the Nursery is known to SS, rated outstanding and there cars are insured for transporting children to and from various locations around the town we live in) and he says I can forget "living off him" when I leave, he says I'll have to "get a job and stop living like a princess" - I spend my days that DD is in Nursery sending emails and making phonecalls about her to various people, and spend my days with her at groups, playdates, soft play or just out at appointments. He says he's going to go for at least 50/50 contact even though the SW has explained to him multiple times that he will only be allowed fortnightly supervised visits until he can prove that he's not a risk to DD anymore. H claims he's going to divorce me and get 50% of an inheritance I'm due to get (my great aunt died last year) and that will mean he can get more contact with DD, does anybody know if he can take the money? It's not enough to buy a house so was going to buy myself a car with it as the money is enough to buy a cheap run around, pay tax for a few years and MOT it but if he takes half I can't do that.
And I'm terrified of moving, have no idea what to tell DD about why daddy isn't with us.
I know I'm not blameless in all this, I let strangers into our house to help us (although said volunteer from the charity is now a close friend and continues to offer us support from afar i.e. I can message her on Facebook and we can talk if it helps me feel better). I'm worried I won't cope, SW is sure I will.