Hoping for some advice .
My partner has had 3 long standing relationships which I was under the impression they had all come to an end from his girlfriends doing . His last one he told me cheated on him after 18 month together. The one before that apparently made rumours up about him.
His first girlfriend he never told me about really but his mum dropped him in it before Christmas that he actually cheated on his first long term girlfriend with the second one so he left her.
We got together in September 2016 and I was honest that I didn’t want to commit to us fully because I had trust issues from a previous partner for 8 years. He assured me I was the only girl for him and in December 2016 when I broke up with him for a couple of days he went out and took someone home . I went round and he swore on families lives she had gone home in a taxi . I wanted to believe him and we stayed at his and told each other we loved each other . I had lots going on with my family and he knew he had hurt me . The next night he went out again and didn’t come home. (I have now found out he went back out to meet the girl he swore was a mistake) . I didn’t know at the time he had gone and met her again and spent Christmas with him but I knew in the back of my mind something didn’t add up and asked him about the night he took someone home . He said she lived out of town , wasn’t on his social networking sites and refused to tell me who it was .
At new year bringing in 2017 he went away with family and I stayed at home quite upset with my own issues with my family (he knew I was going through a bad time )He rang me telling me he loved me and amongst all the conversations we had I remember one saying I felt I uncomfortable about one girl on his social media. No sooner than having the conversation he came home on New Year’s Day and in the house he opened a snap chat from the very girl so he had been communicating with her all day. I looked completely hurt and his face filled with dread . I sat on the sofa and he came and sat next to me and was saying he was sorry. I couldn’t understand after having a discussion about how it made me uncomfortable that he would continue to do something that I couldn’t do to him. He came round the next day with flowers a card stating that he had behaved awfully and loved me too much to loose so I carried on with him because I loved him.
We broke up at the end of January because I told him ‘honestly’ that I wasn’t in a good place for a relationship with things he had done and things I felt and I didn’t want to hurt him if I spoke to anyone . I had no reason to keep things from him and I said I had responded to a man who asked ‘how I was’ I said ‘good thank you ‘ and I told my partner in a text message and he hit the roof. He went out the Friday Saturday and Sunday . By Sunday he had uploaded a picture on Instagram with him cuddled up with another girl. From someone who had said how much he loved me . I would have expected more maturity from him and say ‘I appreciate what you’ve have told me and I know you are having a bad time with family and Iv also not helped with my actions ‘ i feel he give me no respect. He wanted a reason to go out and do everything he always has.
After the picture and me accusing him of being with the girl he was awful to me . I knew in my gut he was messaging her and asked him just to please tell me the truth and he denied it. He laughed about my feelings and completely disregarded me . He brought back everything I felt like with my previous partner . I knew the signs and I knew what he was doing but I am a person who always needs the truth so I can rationalise everything in my head. I had been with him for 6 months and this is how he treat me . My heart was broken . I asked and pleaded with him to tell the truth and he denied everything . I found out through the OW aunty that he was actually hounding her . He had said very bad things about me and they had been kissing . I was devastated and told him I knew the truth . He still denied it.
The long agonising week past and it came to the weekend again. I knew he would go out again. I received calls at 4 am (after Town would be shut and the clubs shut) and I knew in my gut I was receiving calls because he hadn’t pulled . It was breaking my heart and I found out he had also been out round town with her again kissing and all over each other in front of people. She wasn’t an easy person and respected herself and obviously went home after town so he was ringing me . I asked him what he was doing and he said he must have done it by mistake and because he was drunk.
By Sunday I was heartbroken I know Iv said this a lot but I feel at least one person wil understand the levels you go through in accepting the end of something you don’t want to end. It’s horrific . Even when I hear of any person going through someone decietful and having their emotions abused by someone they love I get completely angry about it . I feel anger towards anyone who could purposely sneak or not be honest and quickly go with other people over someone they say they love.
It was Sunday February 2017 and after a week of that I was ill . He knew how upset I was and just didn’t care because he had attention off a pretty girl elsewhere. By Sunday evening he contacted me and said ‘can he come round to talk? I said he could and I didn’t want to be the argumentative person I really wanted to see and hear from him. He made excuses for his whole behaviour . He said he knew he had taken it too far with the other woman & would tell her the next day. I waited anxiously the next day but she remained on all his social media . I picked him up and asked if he had apologised to her & told her the truth about me because she deserved to know and not be messed about. he said yes. I didn’t beleive him and asked to see the message and he had basically said to her ‘he just needed a weeks breather to think about things’ . I hit the roof. I felt like I couldn’t give him any more chances . He was a player and a liar and couldn’t undo any mistake . I left him and went home. I spoke to the OW aunty and she said ‘he had tried to get her round his house Sunday and she said No!!! So the only reason he had come round mine In the first place was because he was probably tired of not getting attention. Am I wrong in believing so?
He sat outside my house for hours begging for me back saying he would do anything . I was angry again. He talked and begged and pleaded he would do anything to make it right. I said he had behaved appallingly and owed her an apology and her aunty for the trouble he’s caused us all.
I spoke to his own mum about things and she drops him in about the person he took Home at Christmas and her sleeping and knowing it was wrong. (First to my knowledge) so now I know that. I want everything out in the open. I want no more lying .
He says he wants no more lying and admits the next day to sleeping with the girl and it was infact the girl I was uncomfortable about and he carried on snapchatting into the new year and what ever else he was doing to communicate with her . So was she a mistake ? Or was he just caught and needed to nip that in the bud
Fast forward two weeks into the relationship... we’ve made it official. It’s on social media. Iv decided to try be with the person I love. Even though we were very rocky through all that for 6 months . They’ve been some serious lying and actions . Maybe I haven’t helped things but I certainly haven’t touched another person. And if their are issues I will try to resolve it.
Two weeks into our official relationship . He’s now got what he wants after all this time , and I am in a take away shop with him after the pubs have shut and I turned round to see my boyfriend slump next to another woman (we will call her Ebony) and whisper something in her ear. I was drunk but my alarm bells completely rang. I walked over & asked what he was doing. He was completely cocky infront of her. I tried to remain calm and asked to leave the shop. We walked out together and when we got back to his he passed out on his bed and his phone beeped. It was the woman in the take away who he had whispered something to and she had text him saying ‘phone me?
Everything went round my head. What if I hadn’t of seen the message? Would he have rang? Why is she asking him to ring her? Especially after seeing me walking out worh him . Does she not respect relationships? Firstly she is in a long term relationship herself for years! The next day I questioned my partner. He gave vague answers. First it was ‘it’s not my fault she text that.’ Then it was ‘we used to talk’ then it was ‘we had a thing years ago but it stopped ! He said he would block her and never speak to her again.
Now all of 2017 he did some other things to question my trust for him. He went away to Benidorm and was seen dancing with girls. He behaved flirty at a wedding I didn’t attend. Round town he would behave flirty. He hid messages (not ones of any flirting ) but ones where a girl who he denied knowing had asked for her ID driving licence back.
I also found out I was pregnant and with financial difficulties and his behaviour and only a new relationship I couldn’t keep the baby . A massive lesson learned . And since then have been careful. But even though he supported me throughout to my face and was there for me . Behind my back I caught the whole relationship he had stalked another girl I know . Which I had questioned him about. So he had a chance to rectify his mistake and stop but he didn’t . Be carried on . When confronting him about the time he spent in a group chat with his mates completely ridiculing everyone and anyone, girls, things they would get up to , drinking , drugs betting football. Who’s got this who’s got that. I warned him that his group chat would be the cause of our break up. In October 2017 I found he had print screened the girls body pics who he had been stalking the whole time the whole 11 months . Saying what he wanted to do to her . Even 3 weeks after my abortion . That was a very very horrible time for me. I cannot comprehend how anyone would have the thought process to want to do that to their girlfriend. Maybe saying ‘yeah she looks fit ‘ once! But she was in his recent history our entire relationship .
He broke down and cried said he would do anything to change. He started removing all girls he had been interested in his past ‘off his own back by the way’ which resulted in half his instagram followings going. The damage was done . But as we all do we want to forgive the people we love . We want to see the good in them. My boyfriend is terrible with money but he is caring and loving and we have great times together and he did look after me while I needed support and I would do the same for him but what he’s done behind my back is the utmost horrible disrespecting thing I could imagine. If he was ill in hospital the last thing I would be bothered about is stalking aboutad on media and telling my mates how much I fancy them. It just screams tendencies to me.
December 2017 and I come out of some toilets in a nightclub and I find ‘the girl who he had whispered in the take away to loitering around him outside and they both part when they see me. What if I hadn’t of been there?
He’s continued to lie about other things and I just done trust him to go out or away with his mates from what Iv seen and now what I read.
Now we are meant to be going to Vietnam together in 3 weeks .
I know someone is going to unapprove but I did snoop on his Facebook. It’s all come to light that he was cheating behind his first girlfriends back. I found him discussing with his best mate dumping her and having more time to snake . By that point he already had girlfriend number two lined up. Someone who was his apprentice at work! He made out to me she was awful to him. From what I have read she loved him very much and he was awful to her . Messing him about . She accused him of cheating when he went away and he denied it yet I can see the messages sent to the girls on the same dates and times asking for their numbers and the chats he’s had with his mates about sleeping with them and going back to meet them again in a month or so. He’s having conversations about all the times he’s been away he’s never not pulled. Holidays , different cities.
These poor girlfriends are breaking their hearts.
Then I see his girlfriend questioning about Ebony. ! This is 2012. The same girl I caught him with in the take away! He’s denying it saying he doesn’t even follow her . But I can see messages that he’s cheating on his girlfriend and arranging nights out with Ebony . He cheated all the time .
He had girl after girl and always Ebony. No sooner had broke up with second girlfriend he’s with girfiend number 3 from December 28th 2012.
I look at girlfriend messages and 4 months into their relationship her very first message on social media to him is ‘I know what you’ve done and you can’t get out of it.’ Basically through all the arguing she’s caught him messaging Ebony through their relationship too and he’s denying it saying they are just mates. His been caught going out for a drive with being behind her back. She’s arguing saying ‘you even text her saying you know not to get caught! ‘ you talk about sex and Kissing and having soft spots for each other .
He’s begging and pleading with her to give him a chance but she’s saying he’s awful and it’s awful what he’s doing to her own boyfriend and both of them are sly. His girlfriend even says
‘You must have been doing this behind your exes back too ? She’s obviously figured out the dates and him continuing through their own relationship and he’s denying it .
I can see the lies he’s telling her because I’m on his phone and can see it never stopped he did it through all his girlfriends . She’s telling him ‘maybe youl learn not to make the same mistake with another girl then... she’s obviously very special to you to do this to both your girfriends! He’s begging her to get back with him and says he’ll remove her off everything and he obviously does . For a while.
Only until they split up fully . Which is November 2015 by my partners opinion but if that’s so then by his social media account he was definitely cheating In the end still. So he was back on with Ebony And Iv found messages saying ‘I love you beautiful’ . Right up until September October , possible November 2016. Well I was with him from September .
Then he did that in the kebab to me in 2017? Has he learned . Can he be trusted to go out ? Or am I setting myself up for failure for someone who will eventually leave me for someone else . Why wouldn’t he just be with Ebony if he doesn’t mind ruining relationships for her.
Sorry for the long post xx