Should I contact my ex?

[ThatchersCold]

Last year I had a relationship for 5 months with a lovely guy. We really clicked and I was very keen on him. Unfortunately he had only recently been left (about 4 months before we met) by his wife, and emotionally he was having a hard time of it, and probably not ready for a relationship.

Then I got pg. It was a disaster for both of us and I was going to have a termination, but miscarried before it came to that. I didn’t feel that he was there for me throughout all that and I was pretty unpleasant to him, I suppose I was angry and scared and lashing out at him. I dumped him, and the last time I saw him was when I was in the middle of the miscarriage, we met up to give each other our stuff back. We sat and held hands and cried for about an hour, then he left.

I haven’t seen him or spoken to him since. I really missed him at first, and was already feeling bad about the way I’d been towards him over the pg (it’s really not in my nature to be like that). I did send him a couple of WhatsApps but he didn’t reply. I assumed he wanted no more to do with me. Months on, I met someone else, wasn’t intending to, but it happened. He is great and we’re very happy. He ticks all my boxes. I’ve talked to him about all the stuff with my ex and the pregnancy, it still plays on my mind. I guess I ended things in a fit of pique, and wasn’t at my most rational at the time.

It was my birthday a few weeks ago and I got a happy birthday whatsapp from my ex, which I didn’t expect. I replied saying thanks, and I hoped he was ok. No more contact since then.

To be clear, I’m very happy in the relationship I’m in now and I don’t want to get back with my ex. But I am thinking of contacting him and see if he wants to meet up for a walk or a drink, I would like to apologise to him for acting the way I did and put the whole thing to bed. I think it would certainly make it easier for me to move on from my thoughts regarding the pregnancy, and I don’t like going through life with bad feeling or rifts between me and other people. I have spoken to my bf about it and he fully understands and says he is fine about it, so I wouldn’t be sneaking around or anything.

What do you think? Should I leave it or suggest meeting up?

FGS, leave it alone. It's over. You've moved on and there is no benefit to be had by opening that old can of worms.

No no no no

Thanks ...you know as I was typing the OP I kind of already knew what the answers I was going to get were.

Ok...what about a message saying something along the lines of I’m sorry I was shitty towards him, it was a difficult situation for both of us and I’m not proud of the way I handled it...hope things have calmed down for him a bit now (directed at the stuff between his ex wife and him which is a thread in itself), all the best etc etc.

Or just nothing?

From an old married lady who did a lot of dating when she was younger -nothing.

Personally I'd leave it be

He didn't reply to your messages before, he didn't support you through the mc. Leave it this isn't a rift you can heal. It doesn't sound like you did anything wrong.

It was a very short lived relationship.

I would have thought the happy b.day text was him reaching out only he did nothing after that to get in touch so you can't read anything into it.

You are happy with new guy. No good can come of contacting an ex. Leave it be.

Nope. Delete from wats app and never look back. Your behaviour was in response to initially going through a pregnancy the other person wasn’t committed to, and then a loss the other person wasn’t supportive of. He deserves no apology and no more of your headspace. Block him from your life and concentrate on you and your new relationship

I never get why people want to do this. It's over move on.

I don't get why you'd want to contact him. He didn't treat you nicely during a difficult time and didn't check how you were getting on. Now that you're happy with someone else, why do you want to complicate things and get in touch with him? So he likes you again or wants you??

You're clearly not over him. Why do you want to msg him so bad? Imagine how you would feel if your current partner was stressing over his ex like what you are?

Get . A . Grip .

Christ no, just leave it alone. I also think you’re possibly kidding yourself that you’re over him as he’s clearly had a lot of your headspace for a while now. Let him go and move on.