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Original poster

Can yo-yo relationships ever work?

13 replies

Snowman21 · 28/02/2018 13:38

Just that really
On/off about 3 times in a year so far, we moved in too quickly together which caused a lot of problems but now living in our own places - there is also a real connection there hence why I’m wondering if it could eventually work
Or are these types of relationships generally doomed to fail?

OP posts:
Mari50 · 28/02/2018 13:41

Mine was on/off for 14 years until I grew too exhausted to care anymore.
You get to watch your friends settle into normal relationships where they make plans with their partners and get married etc and you’re just hoping that you’ll be able to take the holiday you booked a month ago.....

shouldaknownbetter · 28/02/2018 14:19

Generally doomed to fail I reckon. I don't know, I never had one. But I had a friend in one of these relationships for 7 years. Every time they split, they could never be really sure they'd split as they'd got back together the last umpteen times. And every time they got together they could never be really sure they were really together as they'd split up again the last umpteen times. I think they only ever properly, finally split as one of them moved away. Sounds like a horrible way to live.

LesisMiserable · 02/03/2018 09:53

They will always fail sooner or later.

PaperRockMissile · 02/03/2018 10:48

Generally yes they will fail because the fact of the yo-you means at least one person one if not both are not sufficiently commited/in love/interested (however you describe it - lacking the motivation that keeps people together) to maintain the relationship and is willing to chance their own arm on the open relationship market AND is willing to risk that their partner might meet someone else.

Also there is a tendance for relationships to fall into a pattern that is hard to break. If your dog jumps on the bed and the sofa and you let him for years, there is zero chance that you can train him to not do that - or at least if you do it will take years of effort that is out of proportion to the end result. It's easier to get a new dog if not having one on the bed and sofa is important to you!

There will be exceptions but they will be rare and are likely to be in two situations - one where the initial yo-yoing was when both were very young/ emotionally immature and the reconnection happens in later life or two where there has been a fundamental change in the way the couple relate to each other - this is only likely to be the case where there has been an extreme change - if there has been a long and extended period of no contact or one has undergone a life changing experience that has altered them and their core personality (serious accident/cancer/bereavement).

I wouldn't pin your hopes on it. It's usually easier to find something new and fresh.

Oldbrook · 02/03/2018 10:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Yellowshadeofgreen · 02/03/2018 10:51

No I reckon. Very emotionally draining. Very often the “connection” is as much about the emotional highs as anything real. The drama can also be addictive. Save yourself early.

Prettylovely · 02/03/2018 10:53

No because your relationship doesnt work.
Thats why you are on and off.
People in a content and healthy relationship dont yo yo.

hellsbellsmelons · 02/03/2018 10:55

6 years on/off for me and no - it never ends well.
Well that's from my experience.
I'm sure others have totally different experiences.
Can you just date and take it slowly for now and see how it progresses?
No pressure on one another for anything.
Just chill and see what happens.

MistressDeeCee · 02/03/2018 13:02

No, they become a pain in the arse. Immature, as well. Either be together, or not. If you wanted to be together then you would - it's normally 1 person wanting that, and hanging around for the other (fickle) person who keeps pulling away in case there are better options out there. They come back to you when there's nothing else going on.

Of course there isn't a real connection - you'd be together instead of all the faff if there were. You are probably each other's best only port in a storm at the moment

Ebrigitte · 02/03/2018 13:19

Hi, everyone!

My husband-to-be is a comeback boyfriend :) And we could not be happier today! We broke up last summer over his problem to commit, but he saw what he will lose, and came back with a ring... :)

Original poster
Snowman21 · 02/03/2018 16:38

Thanks for responses - I think I’m starting to agree although difficult to accept
EBrigitte unfortunately my situation is quite different to yours - it’s been off more than once! But congrats :)

OP posts:
Ebrigitte · 06/03/2018 12:46

Hi, hun

I know... But, our was a 6 months break, and he had a girlfriend in between. Thanks! :)

Adora10 · 06/03/2018 16:08

Nope, your relationship is dysfunctional and you both may be addicted to the highs and lows of breaking up and getting back together again but essentially it means you should not not be together, i wasted years doing this, mainly because I hate to give up but also because you care and love the person, still doesn't make it right and as has been said, you look to others and see they have a much healthier better relationship.

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