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Relationships

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Original poster

What my partner said

46 replies

Noodlee · 28/02/2018 11:40

I dont know how to feel about this. My partner told me he would like if i dressed up a bit more in jeans instead of leggings and tracksuits all the time. I was a bit hurt but understood and I am a stay at home mum to a nearly 5 month old and I've said the same thing to him in the past. But then the other day he said it would be nice if i wore a bit more make up even just mascara as i barely wear make up being a stay at home mum. He has always told me how im so beautiful and look better without make up and then he said this...! This really hurt my feelings. Was that horrible for him to say or understandable? I dont know but it's really upset me. Whats your opinion?

OP posts:

GertieMotherwell · 28/02/2018 13:25

I wear leggings/yoga pants/running tights all the time and my exes have all loved it!

Am I the only one who finds this comment hilarious?

GertieMotherwell · 28/02/2018 13:26

Bold fail
I wear leggings/yoga pants/running tights all the time and my exes have all loved it!

Am I the only one who finds this comment hilarious? grin

GertieMotherwell · 28/02/2018 13:28

So you want to, but won’t because you don’t want him to think you are because he mentioned it? Now you’re mentioning his hygiene.

This is a relationship not a competition

Original poster

Noodlee · 28/02/2018 15:05

I don't look at it as a competition but I don't want him thinking I'm doing it for him and he can expect me to try more for him

OP posts:

cakecakecheese · 28/02/2018 15:13

It is sounding a bit tit for tat, are things a bit rocky in general?

MiniTheMinx · 28/02/2018 15:32

Why wouldn't you make an effort to be attractive to your partner? DP has said before "you are dressed like that for me" and it pleases him, and it pleases me to please him.

NotSoSprightly · 28/02/2018 15:37

I don't look at it as a competition but I don't want him thinking I'm doing it for him

Why OP? It's nice to show our partners we make an effort for them, IMO it's one of the ways we can make them feel appreciated and like we still care about their opinion.

Shoxfordian · 28/02/2018 15:43

At least you know now that the main thing he values about you is your looks

He expects you to take care of a baby and wear mascara doing it?! I'm guessing he doesn't do much housework or childcare?

Plus he smells

What a catch

NotSoSprightly · 28/02/2018 15:46

Shox You're really jumping to conclusions there. If my partner stopped making an effort and really let themselves go I'd say something if I wanted a lasting relationship. It doesn't have to be nasty or offensive. There's nothing wrong with wanting a partner who makes an effort to keep the attraction going.

Shoxfordian · 28/02/2018 15:50

If my partner was looking after a baby then I wouldn't expect them to be making a huge effort with their appearance too.

I especially wouldn't be asking them to wear more make up when I don't even regularly shower. I'd get my own shit together first.

starlightafar · 28/02/2018 15:54

I'd do those things OP. But I'd do it for you. I stayed a slob too long with my youngest. Doing my hair, bit of makeup and dressier clothes has become habit, it is hard to get back to grooming imo.
When you do, and he wants to come with you, tell him you'd like it if he'd wash more as he smells and you don't like it. You think he'd feel better if he were cleaner.

Moominfan · 28/02/2018 15:58

It's really nice when you start getting back into the habit of treating yourself. Mines just turned one and I've only just started getting my nails done, going gym, new make up ect. Feels like I'm getting myself old self back. Tell him to take you somewhere nice child free so you have a reason to get dressed up :)

PoofShazam · 28/02/2018 16:12

If he expects you to dress up and put makeup on in the house he's being a twat.

But if he's saying it in the context of when you go out of the house together I'm with him, subconsciously he maybe sees your leggings as slobbing about at home clothes and thinks that you're not taking pride in your appearance out and about iyswim?

GertieMotherwell · 28/02/2018 16:22

He expects you to take care of a baby and wear mascara doing it?!

That’s hardly challenging is it?

Rarity75 · 28/02/2018 16:49

Ok maybe am a rarity (not a pun) but I hardly ever wear makeup.

I wear it for Xmas, birthdays, date nights, family meals (sometimes). That is it. I feel comfortable in my own skin.

I also exclusively bf’d until 1 year and I love trackie bottoms and leggings.

I also love the rare occasion where I get dressed up.

What did you do before baby? I have never been a daily makeup wearer so for me it would be alien.

I believe he should be really proud of how well you are doing as a new mum and not expecting you to be doing anymore than you are now (which is devoting most of your waking moments to his baby).

Personally I’d be pissed off.

Justanotherzombie · 28/02/2018 16:51

I think you are the best judge of what's appropriate clothing and make-up on any given day.

tillytown · 28/02/2018 17:34

Why would anyone wear makeup to look after a small child? What's wrong with wearing leggings? Your partner clearly thinks caring for a baby is much more formal and professional than it actually is.

CherryMaDeary · 28/02/2018 17:38

Why OP? It's nice to show our partners we make an effort for them, IMO it's one of the ways we can make them feel appreciated and like we still care about their opinion.

Even for someone who smells and has bad hygiene?

Calmingvibrations · 28/02/2018 18:17

If my OH Said that to me at 5 months post baby I would stick two fingers up at him and tell him where to get off.

Maybe you should add up the time it takes to dress nicely, nails done make up etc and request he ups his input at home in order to find the time.

The closest I can get to understanding his POV is when I had a partner who never seemed to wear anything other than tracksuit bottoms. No matter where we went or what we did. I did feel he didn’t make effort and did partly feel that it was a bit of a reflection of him not bothering about the relationship.

But with a small baby at home - wtf?!?

scotgal2017 · 28/02/2018 20:13

My main point here would be is it a case that you used to wear make up and stopped or have you always not worn any makeup??

I am a tomboy. I don't wear makeup except on special occasions. You're lucky to get me in a dress, high heels or even style my hair!!

My STBXH sometimes moaned during our 20 year relationship but I was like that before he married me, he knew that was who I was. i never changed what i was comfortable with just to please him. So, do what feels right for you and be you, end of.

PilatesSuck · 02/03/2018 22:12

If someone who had bad hygiene told me that, i would laugh myself hoarse. It is shallow and i would certainly mention the poor hygiene now the topic is out there.

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