Partner wanking in his sleep...

[pickleface]

Right, I have been with my partner 4 years. Sex 4-5 times a week, no problems whatsoever. Though about once or twice a month dp wakes me up masturbating in his sleep. He has no recollection of me nudging him asking wtf? In the early hours and no memory of any sexy dreams. I honestly believe this is subconscious but he is mortified. Any ideas or experience on this.

He is definetly not asleep, he is wide awake and if you notice what he is doing he pretends to be asleep! A wet dream is not the same thing at all.

It really is possible he is asleep. I've had whole conversations with DP and gone back to sleep and he has no recollection in the morning. When the children were babies he often carried out simple tasks but forgot about them. He sleep walks very occasionally.

It's a funny thing sleep. I'd ignore it.

This absolutely a thing. I do it. I tend to, erm, 'come to' at the critical moment. DP just thinks it's funny, because he's not an uptight arse.

My husband used to grope me in his sleep all the time, he hasnt done it for a while lol. I just laughed about it theres not much you can do surely?

Fab mixed replies. To whoever says I confronted him... What the hell makes you think I confronted him? Rude. That's quite an assumption. And to the poster who wants unsatisfied... Exactly the same here! Sexy dream and huge arousal... You wake and its vanished.

I'd probably just get turned on and wake him up for sex lol.

I can't understand why you said anything to him. If it's in his sleep it's doubtful he'll be able to stop anyway. Maybe you can sit guard over him and blow a whistle when he starts...

You mention you have sex several times weekly. Don't want to shock you but that doesn't mean a person can't masturbate too. Masturbation is normal. & He's in his own bed warm safe and relaxed. I doubt he'd fall asleep on the train and start knocking one out

I'm with the Never heard the likes folks.
In his sleep? A couple of strokes perhaps, but to be going hard at it takes a fair bit of energy.
Therefore I refuse to believe that any man could get that involved and sleep through it.
About as much chance as him rolling out the bed and doing 30 push ups still sleeping.
Tell him to get it over with before he jumps into bed next time.

enjoy the show

He is definetly not asleep, he is wide awake and if you notice what he is doing he pretends to be asleep

Definitely? How are you so sure. I do it in my sleep as well, I sometimes wake myself up doing it.

It's really frustrating that some people on here cannot believe something is true if they've not heard of or experienced it themselves. Or that they're just self declared experts.

If dh was wanking in bed and noticed that I was awake and had noticed I can promise you the last thing he would do is pretend to be asleep!

"Just popping upstairs for forty wanks, dear."

Hi I’ve done some research and found out that this is a sleep disorder (Sexsomnia), not much is documented on this disorder because I should imagine (given the examples of opinions above) women are thinking that there is nothing wrong with it or ‘natural’ and ‘normal’. Effectively, it’s like sleepwalking but with a sexual twist. And generally can be very dangerous in terms of non consensual sex. Some experts have suggested sleeping in separate rooms and theirs with a lock on it. Although this sounds very extreme, the danger of this condition can put other family members at great risk. The individual will have no recognition of this behaviour because quite frankly they will be asleep. It may be ‘only a wank’, but this can lead to intercourse very quickly. I cannot stress enough how dangerous this sleep disorder can be for everyone in the household. And I think it’s a real shame that the OP has been blamed for making her SO feel embarrassed. He will need to see a sleep specialist and can get a referral through the GP. The sooner this guy knows and can get help for the disorder the better. Please tell him, non concented sex can be even more emotionally damaging than a little embarrassment from his behalf. If he’s a good man, he’ll get the help. This could lead to bigger and more dangerous levels of the disorder!!!

Of course he needs to know. It's not shaming to tell your own husband that he wants in his sleep.
FFS.

You’ve reminded me of a boyfriend who did this, maybe once a week though? I was fairly indignant, since his ‘awake’ libido was fairly lack-lustre. Felt like a real spare wheel when I’d stay over, romantic evening, no sex then this nonsense in the small hours!

I’d always nudge him awake, out of spite. Once with an icecube up his arse, if memory serves. So I actually never discovered if he went ‘all the way’ when left to his own devices. Now THAT would be a problem in a long-term partner, no matter what the real sex life was like. No way am I waking up to those sheets every time. Eurgh. And I promise you that once middle age hits, you can get pretty blisteringly angry with being woken up, no matter the cause. DH could be reciting love poetry to me in bed at 3am and I’d still be livid!

I’d always nudge him awake, out of spite. Once with an icecube up his arse, if memory serves.

I'm sorry, you did what? You do realise this is assault?

Poor lad. Let him crack on.

Men get erections during the night as women get enlarged clitorises (so I've read!) and I suppose it's fair to say that quite a lot of us touch our bits at this time. We don't usually notice because we're asleep and in most cases it's not even sexual but mechanical.

Napping on the train won't be as deep as a night's sleep so I don't think we need to worry on that count. It's 'unfortunate' that your man does the actions, mine just grabs his.

I know this is an old thread someone has raked up but I can't get over the suggestion that he sees his GP because he has a wank in his sleep

I mean, really?

Mumsnet you have given me a proper laugh this morning

I am still reeling at the ice cube up his arse. I mean, you’d have to get up, get the ice cube and then, ahem, relocate it where the sun don’t shine aaaand then deal with the shrieking when he wakes up and twigs he has a chunk of ice up his nethers! It doesn’t sound like a restful night, in short.