I was with my ex boyfriend 6 years ago for just over two years. We were very much in love and he was my best friend until I lost our baby. The pain from it put strain on my life and I split up with him. I kept seeing him and saying I would get back together with him but whenever I would see him it would be a painful reminder and I’d end it again which left him hurt. I eventually went to see a therapist as it was effecting my life where I left my job. I got back to a fit state and reached out to my ex to find out he was with somebody new. This absolutey floored me and broke me. We always stayed in touch as he checked on how I was, he has since split from her and last year we went on many dates. It was lovely and just like old times having my best friend back. The more dates we went on I could feel my feelings getting stronger and as my natural defence I started not speaking to him for weeks after each date because I was scared to get too attached and be hurt again as there was no label on it and I didn’t want to find out one day he was with somebody else again. Eventually I had the chat with him and said I want to take this to the next step. Unusually out of his character he disappeared for weeks and when I’d ring his phone it was say unavailable. I was devastated that I’d let my guard down again and he just disappeared like this right before Christmas and new year. I rang my friend who lives abroad and she invited me over for the new year as her and her boyfriend was having problems too. The first night I got there her boyfriends friend (Who I know from the uk) asked me to go for dinner so I did. When I was at the restraunt I felt upset straight away and was thinking why am I here when there’s only one man I want to be with. On the last day before I came home I got an email off my ex explaining he had to go away under short notice with work and his phone had broke before he could get chance to get another he had to leave for abroad.
Guilt filled me straight away and of course he found out I had been on a date with this other guy. He now thinks I went over to see him and not my friend but I’ve explained many times.
We then sorted things out and would speak on the phone every night for hours and I eventually went to see him abroad where he is working. We had the loveliest few days and I said to him let’s be official again. He said he loves me and said we are already aren’t we? When i said are we he said well let’s just see how things go and take them slow. He dropped me at the airport and messaged me straight away. We was speaking for that whole day and night. He then didn’t reply as the convo went dry so I rang him the next night. The day after he messaged me and we was speaking for that day. Since then I’ve messaged him and he took two days to answer, I messaged him again and no reply even tho he’s been online. I’ve tried calling him a few times and messaged again but it’s been 5 days and still no response! It’s infuriating me that he’s been online and following girls on Instagram and not responded to my message.
I did what your not supposed to and send him a big long message of how upset I am at his behaviour - I know your not supposed to do this but I’ve lay my cards on the table with him and think he needed to know how hes made me feel.
I feel heartbroken that I’ve let my guard down again and he’s being like this. He’s the only man I’ve ever loved. I haven’t been going into work and my panic attacks have started again.
What is going on does anybody have any advice for me?
Thanks x x