Yep one coming up 1 march!
Not been on here for a while - oh at least a month - trying to get out of
this fucking game but The C has reared his head and here we are!
He has been upgraded from the "X" to "The C" - just have to remember not to refer to him as this when talking out loud!
I have decided what goes on needs to be out there - out in the universe for Karma to do its stuff - if it's in my head my universe it fucks me up -if it's out there in his universe hopefully he gets the full force back .... someday?
I have been in a bit of a black hole - or with the black dog - depression took a bashing January and felt like I had gone back 20 years - to when I was diagnosed with PTSD after traumatic work events. Women's Aid have told me I am likely suffering with this again - I've been speaking to them a lot as really they are the only ones that get this - apart from some lovely ladies on here -
Funny I was being assessed yesterday for more counselling. Today is The C's contact time - you know the contact time that he MUST have every Tuesday & EOW - the contact time that he threatened me with court over - because I was trying to stop him seeing his kids - you know these kids that are his priority!
Well he is not seeing them tonight because he wants to be in Sheffield with OW and her kids - because it suits him like this - he's been trying to change the contact to this for a while now because the odd Tuesday mucks up his plans - we had the little game a while back you know we'll try a week on week off - except his week off was cos he was where - yep Sheffield? Can't ask me outright you see because I'll say no - kids are priority remember and so we have to play guess what's coming next all the bloody time! So did he tell me? Nope! Did the kids tell me? Nope! Found out after a throw away comment made to DD yesterday - when did she know? Last Tuesday! Why did she not tell me ? She forgot!
DS? He doesn't know why he didn't tell me - probably because I would lose my shit and yep I did!
So here I am - oh and in January just so you get this we had "The C" going for mandatory reconsideration on CM. they have Used the wrong tax year for income and guess what? He has the kids for more nights than they have got him down for so The C must have used their online calculator to work out how much he SHOULD be paying me because they have obviously got it wrong! Well actually no they haven't they are sticking by their decision - so cough up the fucking £600 you owe me for February! And let me know if we're taking this to court - kinda missing this fucking farce!
And if you want to join in the game just vote why Dd needed to go to the GP (early Weds morning which just happened to be Valentine's Day) because she was throwing up during his contact - was it to a)Undermine my parenting?, b)scupper my plans by bringing kids back early, C) over dramatic dad or as someone suggested d)cos he missed me and wanted to see me Valentine's Day for old times sake?
Total waste of GPs time - Dd has always thrown up whenever she gets a cold - this is her thing!
So I'm not really sure where I'm going with this - but had to get it out my head - I don't give a stuff about whether he sees kids or not - I give a stuff that he does not pay and I give a stuff that kids still do not communicate with me properly -this was reason marriage broke down - The C cannot communicate about 'feelings' - anyway enough on him - he can get back in his box - I'll play a different game now - sooooooo bored of this one!
It upsets me the kids still don't get why it upsets me when they do not communicate - I gave them a little taster of what this was like - not deliberately - well nearly but changed my mind - but universe intervened and all hell broke lose - maybe need to go up a level - it is not acceptable to forget or avoid - you have to face it head on and this removes any conflict - creates an opportunity to compromise -
how do I teach them this?
Anyway I feel I can go back to sleep now - my bit done - over to you Karma
(Translation - I'm angry, fucking angry but trying to not let this absorb me - I Am Going to beat this! )