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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Paternity

13 replies

Noname16 · 26/02/2018 17:52

Asking for a friend who is unsure she concieved her first child but is unsure who the father is. She slept with two men couple of days apart one she used contraception with (condom) and it didn’t split that either of them know of. The other she used no contraception with at all anyway baby was born and now her and the fella she didn’t use contraception are together and very happy family. She is frightened that the baby may not be his as she doesn’t look like him and has different coloured eyes. She’s scared to say anything as she knows that he will possibly get violent as he told her that if he ever found out the baby wasn’t his he would. She doesn’t know what to do and has asked for my help but I’m not very experienced in this sort of this so thought I’d seek advice here. No bashing please she knows she has made mistakes she just wants some sensible advice. Thank you

OP posts:
squizita · 27/02/2018 21:05

If he's threatened to get violent I would be concerned about her being in that relationship at all, especially with a baby. If she's frightened she isn't happy or safe.

Original poster
Noname16 · 28/02/2018 09:11

He hasn’t been violent before but says if he ever did find out he would be and also that everyone would side with him and agree that he should be. She can’t tell him she said as 1. He may become violent and 2. The family are the type to shame her on Facebook or to come to her home and go mad. She is very unsure what to do

OP posts:
Original poster
Noname16 · 28/02/2018 09:13

She also doesn’t want to say anything because the chances of concieving whilst using contraception is very slim and also there was no visible tears in the comdom itself so she doesn’t think it could be the other persons but is just wondering if she’s over thinking

OP posts:
Dragonfree · 02/03/2018 02:06

What a horribly uncertain place for your friend to be in. She has my sympathy.

Given the situation she describes, it is highly likely that the father of the child is the person she had unprotected sex with.

Genetics are funny things and she shouldn't worry that the baby doesn't look like the father. With regards to the eyes, it's a similar genetic issue, provided they both don't have blue eyes and the child has brown - if that is the case, then he isn't the father.

This is quite a good explanation of dominant / recessive genes. For each gene you get one from father and one from mother.

www.passmyexams.co.uk/GCSE/biology/alleles.html

Dragonfree · 02/03/2018 02:07

I'm also not sure this is in the correct area.

Have reported to check Smile

BrendasUmbrella · 02/03/2018 02:53

I agree. If she used no contraception with the man she's with now it's almost definitely his baby. Does the baby have the same colour eyes as her?

Anyway, paternity is almost besides the point right now. The problem is that she is living with an aggressive man who threatens her. And she/you are describing them as very happy?!

MNHQ
LouMumsnet · 02/03/2018 21:00

OP, your thread was flagged up to us as it looks like you posted in the wrong topic. With that in mind, we've moved it to the Relationships topic and hope you get useful advice.

Pokemonlovepower · 02/03/2018 22:53

Violence is probablyy the big.worry here... but this ain't the bestttt.advice but she could ask the OTHER guy for a paternity test? You'd only need to rule one guy out. X

RebelRogue · 02/03/2018 23:23

The second guy is more than likely the father.
However she has much bigger issues than paternity. Her partner threatened her with violence if the child isn't his and threatened that his friends and family would do the same/support him. What else does he threaten her about? That's her real issue.

Dragonfree · 02/03/2018 23:27

Any update?
Is your friend OK?

Viviennemary · 02/03/2018 23:32

Well the temptation is to keep quiet. But if rumours ever arise and he asks for a DNA test there could be trouble. There really isn't any way of being sure apart from DNA testing IMHO. Why doesn't she just have a DNA test done without telling him.

jpclarke · 02/03/2018 23:33

Both myself and dh have blue eyes as do two of our kids but 1 has brown eyes. And there is definitely no way he is not dh's. It happens. Best of luck to your friend she will somehow have to get a dna done at some stage.

Offred · 02/03/2018 23:48

How can they be a ‘very happy family’ if he is threatening her with violence re the paternity? Surely he is aware she slept with someone else around conception and doesn’t know for sure he is the dad?

If it is that important to him why hasn’t he asked for a paternity test?

IMO this is nothing to do with the paternity issue and everything to do with her being in a relationship with an abuser.

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