My stbx husband is continuously abusive and bullyish

[Whatiwishfor]

My stbx husband is a total nightmare. So a year ago he said he wanted to be with other woman and wanted us to have more of an open relationship! He said some very very odd things about life in general and i basically had a bit of a nervous breakdown, he said he was going to have sex with other women etc etc but wouldn't leave the house. He wanted to remain in the spare room and co parent (children 3 and 4). I appointed a solicitor who strait away said hes behaviour was emotionally abusive (and financially), she managed to have him removed from the house.
Since then he has become even worse, im convinced im dealing with someone with a personality disorder, and major control issues. Hes manipulative and coursing at every turn, and is more than happy to put the children in the middle of that, even telling them things that are not true. He has taken me to court regarding the children and really made himself look silly, i was given a residency order and the contact order was more or less what myself and my solicitor had asked for. He is just not focused on the children and that's obvious.
Anyhow i thought we were making progress!! but we are not hes moved in with a woman and her children and has become even worse! A whole host of problems about when they are collected, returned, ignoring medical advise, returning them is dirty pants and looking unkempt and the list goes on and on and on! The police have been involved two weeks in a row now and im getting concerned about how much the children must be picking up. I am also beginning to feel increasingly bullied and belittled by him and to some degree his girlfriend. I really need to move it all forward and get our finances and child access sorted and then get my divorce, his behaviour is intimidating, i could have got a restraining order out on him at the beginning and now wish i had done. I just want things to start moving forward and calming down for the sake of myself and more importantly my children. Anyone else been in a similar situation and got any nuggets of advise?

I left my EA in Feb last year, on and off things have been hell at times with his behavior. Recently he seems a bit better, but its cyclical with him.

Grey rock technique is best. Hes probably feeling shit about being a shit, but because he is who he is cannot accept it so pushes that blame onto you. Try not to give him the oxygen he wants and just keep everything about the kids.l Humour him if you have too.

My ex has told the kids some things, they can see things as they are so I don't bad mouth him in front of them. Can someone be a mediator for you? Can you arrange the visits where he collects them from school rather than the house? Try limit your interactions as much as possible. When he starts, wait before you respond, try not to react. Block him from everything but your phone number. Tell him to only call if it is about the kids and you won't engage if he starts to be nasty or abusive.

Good luck, its so hard.

And if you increasingly are worried about their safeguarding, you might need to review the contact arrangements. Keep a list of everything.

Thank you Pudding. Sorry iv replied so so late.
His behaviour gets very odd and aggressive through text and email, then there appears to be a couple of incidences and then it goes quiet and calm for a week or two, it goes around like this continuously. A few weeks ago he tried to pick the children up from school and pre school on a day that wasn't his, he called the school and said they had an app so needed to collect them that day and early so they could go to the said app. School contacted me, he then wouldn't allow me to take the children and he started to shout down the phone at the teachers etc etc. It was an embarrassing nightmare. He really showed his true colours!! The next day he cancelled the email account that i use to communicate with him. It contained all the family/baby photos, he will not re install the account for me to just reinstall them. I believe he is also hoping to go back to court regarding child access, goodness knows what he wants this time!! Hoping that if it goes back to court i may be able to get a physiological assessment done on him, he narrowly missed it last time.