Lonely

[Kitty222]

Why do I feel like this, I’m in my fourties with two teenagers who are my world and they make me so happy, I’m into my third year in a relationship but it is not going anywhere, he works all the time and I’m left on my own, we don’t live together and we are lucky if we spend 3 hours a week together ! He is such a honest and loyal person but with previous relationships I’ve always been left at home on my own and that’s where I am again, my parents think I should just move on and find somebody who loves me and wants to spend time with me, it took me such a long time to trust this man and I don’t think I can start again but living in hope with this man is getting me so down, all I do is hope and pray he changes and wants to commit too me more, should I stay feeling like this or cut all ties altogether and hope one day I do find my soul mate ? Confused is beyond words 

Can you find other friendships and social things to do?
You don’t have to revolve your life around this man. Live your life x

You don't say if you love him or not?
To be honest it sounds like you should move on from him as he's not giving you what you need/want. If you are lonely with him then you can't possibly feel much worse without him. You sound as though you are settling for him. Life is too short.
I'm in my forties now and have come out of a very long relationship. I genuinely believe I won't settle for anyone now, I'd rather be on my own.

Hello thank you for your reply, I don't really have many friends and who I do are happy in their relationships and are busy doing their own things, I know I shouldn't just rely on him but I long to be loved and happy like I see others x

If you are not getting what you need from the relationship, tell him. If change is not possible, move on. Life is too short. Also probably a good idea to develop other interests and not be dependent on others. Easy to say, far harder to do.

Thank you anonagain2017 this is a very true question I think I love him but as you say am I just settling for him and like you say I'm lonely now, I'm so used too it but I hate being on my own.I just feel like I'm going to be always on my own, life is too short I just don't know how or where I can start and make friends near me, there is always groups around me for babies and toddlers but nothing for single parents with older children x

I know deep down I'm not getting what I want from him all I do is live in hope, it's very easy to say move on and I should stand on my own too feet but I find it very difficult as I have very little friends and communication from others x

And I am new to this forum and I'm not sure how I directly reply to each of you but I thank you so much for your messages? I taking them into thoughts x

If you are lonely and barely seeing this man then there doesn’t seem to be much point to the relationship. Why don’t you try increasing your social circle. It doesn’t have to revolve around a man. Join a gym. A country club. A golf club and play in ladies tournaments. Salsa classes. A book group....take a few hobbies and expand on them. If you are into knitting there’s stitch and bitch. Check out the website meetup.com and search for groups in your area. They have all sorts from walking to running to gaming...if you can’t find anything you like, set up your own group! Time to be proactive rather than just sitting around and moping x

Evening class?
Exercise class?
Book Group?

Get yourself out there! The more people you meet the better your social life will be. I have married friends but some have partners who work away or work shifts so they’re around evenings and weekends.

Is there a Gingerbread near you?

Xpost with chickenmum

I am sitting around moping and this isn't helping me, it's getting me down and I'm starting to feel very low, the times we are together is great but it's not enough for me. I have thought about joining the gym or classes around me, what is gingerbread ?

I would imagine if you're not sure if you love him after all this time that he's not the right one for you. Does he have kids?

Gingerbread is for single parents.
It’s not a dating site, it’s more a social group.
I have a friend who joined and she has met new friends to go to the cinema with, opera, shows or whatever you like doing.

He has older children married, all I have ever wanted is to be happy in life but after I have admitted things to myself, I'm not happy like this and I have to get a grip and stop moping around and start to get myself out there like what's been said too me but it's very hard to go out there and be out of your comfort zone, I just sometimes wish he would end it and then I know where I stand but he doesn't and he seems happy to be like this, it's stringing me along, a lot of good advice given too me x

Thank you I shall have a look at gingerbread as this sounds as though it's definitely what I need right now x

Why do YOU like doing Kitty?

Have a look locally and see what there is.
I only live on a village and there’s a ladies netball club, Pilates, dance etc. You could get yourself on a committee or volunteer

I don’t think dumping your BF is a priority, but getting a life of your own is!!

Now you say dumping him is not my priority, I question that myself, I think leaving him too it and getting my life on track and getting a social life is far more important x

I think if you focus on developing interests, friends and a career first, rather than feeling you have to have a relationship with a bloke at all costs, you might find that you can be perfectly happy and fulfilled without one! And even if you still decide you want one, you won’t be so emotionally dependent on him for all your happiness and entertainment, and will be less needy and have more to talk to him about when you do see him.
I’ve been widowed since I was 35, and never remarried. I brought up my two babies alone (DH died when the youngest was 11 months), and I worked as a hospital doctor, retiring a year ago. I’ve had a full life despite the lack of a partner for most of it.
Yes I grieve for my lost soulmate, but I still had a good life.
Have a think about expanding your horizons a bit. Good luck!

I have joined Gingerbread and I'm waiting for a reply via email from my area, so hopefully they will put me in the right place to meet new people around my area

I am so sorry to hear that you have been a widow at such an early age but you probably don't need sorries or sadness around you, why can't I have your strength and not rely on a man for making me dependant on him for happiness when he's not willing to give it too me. It's friends I need and my parents are always telling me to get out there but it's not easy at times

I do have a career and I'm happy in it but when I come home that's where the loneliness and sadness starts

Thank you all for your replies it's helping me so much and giving me there's more to life than moping about a man who isn't even here with me !

You could check out your Mumsnet Local too 😊

Thank you I have looked on mumsnet local but see things for younger children and parents, have I done right in emailing gingerbread and waiting for their reply to point me in the right direction x