Why do people become bullies?

[babycham75]

And why do other people allow them to do it?
I know one - they have everyone around them on puppet strings. Nice one minute, vile the next.

They are generally insecure people and bully others to make themselves feel superior.

As for why people allow them to do it...it's pretty much the same as why people tolerate abuse in relationships.

I think it can be for a number of reasons. It’s a quick & effective way of getting short term results in the work place but, non sustainable

The person I know needs constant praise and is very controlling.
Has the department management on a string.
Gets away with murder

I think it’s insecurity. I have a colleague at work who would bully me given half the chance. She’s always slagging me off behind my back. I know because I’m generally approachable and the others tell me. I don’t rise to it, can’t be arsed and when she makes very loud and snide comments directed at me I ignore her. I do know that the others don’t take her to task on it. I personally wouldn’t want them to in case they bear the brunt of it next. I think sometimes allowing someone to be a bully is due to fear of it being turned on them, or insecurity on their part too. I think bullies are vile. When the one in my work starts I just thank god im happier in myself than she is.

They are just built that way.

They appear to be deficient in the empathy and conscience dept. They have a huge sense of entitlement and think they are the most important person in the world (rather like being mentally stuck at the toddler stage).

Niceness, and putting on an appealing front, is a learned behaviour which they use to get what they want.

I think people allow them to do it because they are taken in by the pleasing front, or because they can’t keep up with the relentless assertiveness that it takes to combat them. You have to be always on guard and ready to fight. There is no time off.

So, most often, people have to learn to ignore them because there are other things to do. Or you learn to please them to keep them happy. None of this will stop a bully, of course. It tends to make them worse.

Everyone knows who the bully is and what they are doing and despise them for it even if they don't call out and protect the person being bullied. People are vary of them and they often become subtly excluded and isolated.

No one wants to be the next victim. Bullies are not rational so anything you say will be turned on you.