Sad and lonely rant

[Lalimerente]

Please don t flame me too much I am feeling sorry For myself tonight and this is my first thread.
It s another Saturday night alone as DH is out with his friends and I am home with dcs again.
I don t really mind being left out of the local pub scene. Dh and his friends are a bunch of silly sods.
for years now I have loved someone altogether fabulous.
He is a really clever and cultured person who shines in his art, is a good friend and so nice and caring with it all.
I put a few hundred miles between us and been nc for years but the limerence stays and I feel sad tonight.
I can't/ won't t leave dh nor the dcs but I feel often that Life is passing me by and I feel old sad fat and bitter I always put myself last so this is no different.
This is nothing compared to some
Of the threads I read in mn so not
expecting anything. Just to vent a little.
As they say this too shall
Pass..
Thanks for reading

my mom had a saying if wishes were horses beggars would ride, i should imagine we all have someone from the past who makes us think if only, when i was 16 went out with a lad who was 23 , i idolised him and would have walked over hot coals for him, of course i was too young and he was too wise and eventually it fizzled out, but even now at the grand age of 81 i can still remember him with a flame in my heart

oops im 61 not 81 lol

This feels like a wake up call to do something more for yourself if you can. Pursue your own interests.

Thanks issey. It s not even like we ever had a relationship that went above and beyond belonging to the same friends group....
But I don t know, whenever he speaks I feel like we belong....

Ah thanks dark. I have a career and a fun hobby. I have friends although they are all keen on dh Dh so no support in a separate situation. I ll just pick myself up and carry on as normal. But thank you for getting back

Glad to hear you have career and interests. That's a good place to be. It sounds like you've got the glums with the way your home life is at the moment and I'm sure you are not alone. Some people enjoy having a few hours to themselves to read or potter about so it might it be a question of working on that (sorry if that sounds trite but I hope you know what I mean). However, it sounds like you might benefit from making a few friends of your own, which can take time and effort.

I wish you luck.

Thank you . I guess it a just a compatibility issue.whenever my dh opens his mouth he makes me cringe with embarrassment.

I wish I had married someone who could make me proud Evernote and again....

I meant ever now and again

Why can’t you leave your marriage
It sounds like it’s making you very unhappy

I tried once. Got threatened with section and dcs taken off me cos apparently I was depressed... No support from family or friends who all love dh. Even church leaders talked me into staying....

I don t really trust people anymore so I avoid socialising outside of work and I force Myself to do an activity to get Out Of the house . I still attend church but I have no faith left. The man I love can never be mine. Dcs would be turned against me as last time.
What Would be the Point? But thank you it was a valid point

Who threatened you with auctioning?

Sectioning

My dh and his dm said they would take dc s away because I was clearly depressed. That was when I was trying to separate from dh years ago. Dh was having none of it. He
Roped everyone into talking me out of it. The Worst Thing was that dcs started to pick up on things and o had school teachers on the phone asking questions. In the end it was easier to stay...
I am a coward I Know . When o read some of the things that many of you go through and still manage to leave I feel terrible...

Hi I'm sorry you are going through such a rough time at the moment. But please don't scared into thinking you can be sectioned and have your children taken away from being depressed. It dosent work like that and I feel you DH is trying to control and scare you into thinking this way. Sending hugs x

Thank you belle. I am learning a lot just reading through the threads here. X

Is your husband part of the same church community

Yes he is .theoretically nothing extreme it s just a cofe but in a well to do community where you just don t do that sort of thing.....

My dh Is a great charmer and a great entertainer. I am the nagging bad guy who worries about kids money etc ...while he dishes out drinks and makes everyone laughs.....

It s a losing battle from the start.... My only real close female friend died years ago which triggered my want to stop being flogged like some horse and put myself first for once. I fell flat on my face. According to local vicar I have been selfish and lacked humility....

So here is little me put firmly back in my place.

Sorry won t be able to post anymore dh is starting to notice x

Please take care of yourself.

Do take care of yourself. You talk about your dc as if they don’t want your happines
I’m sure they do, I promise

You are clearly being successfully controlled by your husband, his family and the church community of which you are part.

Your husband has you EXACTLY where he wants you and is using the church community to that end. Clear as day.

It must be so so hard after all these years and having had your boundaries pushed to clearly unacceptable extremes, but it is ultimately up to you to decide where you're boundaries and what you're prepared to put up with. Only you can make that choice and, hopefully, make the changes you need.