Bored with marriage...

[losingthewilltoflounce]

Just that really. DH has no hobbies or interests and seems to just become interested in whatever I like at the time. I have lots of interests and am fascinated by many things. We have young DC and in the past 5 years DH hasn't asked me out once, not even for lunch when dc at nursery. I'm so fed up and bored, no job SAHM and since I had baby seen to have lost my so called "friends". Anything we do, I suggest and arrange. Trips out, holidays, you name it. He hasn't come up with one suggestion to date. I'm dying here. I've just been trying to arrange a holiday and he said he doesn't want to have to travel around anywhere, just sit at pool, for 2 weeks?! What's the point in going to another country, especially with young dc and doing nothing. Sorry this is turning into a big rant but I am so fed up. Anyone else suffered similar?

Hes not asked you to lunch once? Blimey. He sounds really boring. Whats his parents relationship like? Are they homebodies who dont go anywhere ?

Nope not been through that as I couldn’t stand it

Have you talked to him about your concerns?

I'm so fed up and bored, no job SAHM and since I had baby seen to have lost my so called "friends".

This is what struck me in your post.

Has your husband changed from being someone with his own interests, and continually wanting to be up and doing, planning active holidays etc? Or has he always been this way, but it's bothering you more now because you're bored and isolated with your own life? Honestly, you can't look to one another person, even a spouse, to liven up your life. I have never been a SAHM, but found maternity leave, and generally life with a small baby appallingly boring and isolating. In your shoes I would get a job immediately, and work on finding some new friends and activities. If your husband has always been this way, it's not fair to blame him for your boredom.

Have you - shock! horror! - even talked to him about it?

If you have kids together you have already come a long way.

Tell him you want to leave and live your own life, see how he reacts....

Sad thing is, people don't generally change after adulthood. I know someone like this. Happy to just be a couch potato. Total opposite to me. Luckily no-one I need to share a house/life with.

You sound like your in a rut does he leave arrangements to you because your better at that stuff than him or he's out working? Just tell him I want to do more stuff together as a couple when dc is at nursery I'm bored. What did you do together before dc?

Thanks for your replies. I guess he's always been like this but I didn't notice at the beginning during our initial "passionate" phase. I know I know I'm really stupid I rushed into it, we both wanted children!! I know I can't blame my boredom on him but I have talked to him many times but nothing changes. During his last marriage he never once went on holiday in 14 years, which I find odd. It wasn't down to lack of money either. I need to get a job, you're right but I feel like I'm dragging myself everywhere now. I used to be so fun and active and now I just can't be bothered trying. He just doesn't have any interests or goals in life. No dreams and I don't think it's because he's changed. I can't cope anymore, I really can't. I am trying to get a job but finding it difficult getting back to work after time out.

Ok so summing up here, you married someone boring and, shit the bed, you find him boring.
How could that happen?!

We usually chose our opposites so he chose you because?

You chose him because?

Is he supportive of your goals, dreams and interests? That is, he may never be the type to plan the holiday, but is he obstructive? Does he pull his weight with the house and DC?

What sort of work do you hope to get into?

same here.
partner resents my hobbies saying "you at that stupid club again later" and a huge sigh

never suggests to do anything.
every single of my suggestions of a day out, or to buy something is 100% a straight negative (sometimes she'll come round to idea, but its the immediate default negative position that a drain)

she says not depressed, just can't be bothered.
all a bit weird

We are all capable of making mistakes, and it sounds to me as though you have in this case. Ask yourself whether you can put up with for the next thirty years. You know what the answer is...

If you had a job you enjoyed and your own circle of friends, would the marriage be enough to make you happy? You'd get your excitement outside of the marriage with friends and hobbies and he'd be there at home to support you?

When you've talked to him, have you said 'I wish you'd do this' or have you set it out clearly that his lack of interest in life is going to be the thing that ends your marriage? Does he think you're just having a moan or does he understand just how frustrated you are?

If he's not right for you and you can't fill that void by broadening your own horizons, then it sounds like it's time to take the lesson learned about not rushing into things and move on.

Yes, I get my joy outside of the marriage with friends and hobbies

Holidays are always a tense time with her short fuse with me and the kids.

I dread the key in the door each evening and my fun with kids turning to yelling and criticism.

What's the point in being married to someone when you're only release from boredom is to go out with friends, so in other words, just put up with the situation cos he won't change, you can though, you can take yourself out the marriage and find someone with at least a spark, he sounds incredibly boring and not even interested in keeping your interest in him, so sorry but I'd be moving on from any man that couldn't even make the effort to enjoy days/nights out with me and holidays.