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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What does this mean?

7 replies

thescientist111 · 24/02/2018 17:19

To put in context, things between DH and I are ok I guess.. not love's young dream but we get along fine. Lately I've been a little unhappy with the way things are and DH have discussed this but I kind of thought things were getting better.

On Thursday night I was away with work and we had rooms booked at a hotel to stay over. After our work function we all headed to the residents bar where there was a group of men who the bar had been opened up for. They invited us over (group of 10 women). I sat next to one of them, and we got along like a house on fire. I made it very clear I was married and he respected that completely. At the end of the night he said something along the lines of 'I wish you weren't married, we could have swapped phone numbers etc' and right at that point I remember thinking wow I actually wish I wasn't. He went to his room and I went to mine, nothing happened, but for me, wow it's like a lightbulb went off.

A year ago I would never have thought that, and in the past I've very easily rejected other men's advances but the fact that I did think that this time just made me think I really need to end this marriage don't I. I can't be truly happy if I wanted to be with another guy can i? I also was completely sober so no beer goggles or anything like that.

OP posts:
ThisLittleKitty · 24/02/2018 18:57

He was probably looking for a shag.

TheNaze73 · 24/02/2018 19:01

Sounds like he wanted sex, don’t look into it too deeply

causeimunderyourspell · 24/02/2018 22:56

That's not the point OP is making though is it? The guy's intentions are irrelevant. What she's saying is that it made her question her marriage for the first time ever.

OP it definitely sounds like things need spicing up for your relationship. The lightbulb moment has happened so use this as momentum to start trying to reignite that spark that must have been there once?

There's not a lot of detail about your relationship so it's hard to comment but I think ending the marriage would be extreme if things are ok? Are you still attracted to oh? Still intimate?

Just going off what you've said though, it seems like things may be a bit stale at the moment so perhaps a weekend away might be in order so you can have dinner & drinks and get flirting again with the man you married Grin

Disquieted1 · 24/02/2018 23:20

What does it mean? It means that you are human and have blood pumping in your veins.
You didn't act on it: ending your marriage would be ridiculous.

thescientist111 · 25/02/2018 06:31

@causeimunderyourspell yes it feels like you completely got my point! Whether the guy was looking for a hookup or not doesn't bother me, but it was my reaction to him. We were in a large group so no over the top flirting or anything of the sort, the conversation was very platonic, I just remember sitting there thinking wow I miss this going out getting attention having fun malarkey but also wishing I wasn't married so I could pursue whatever that was. In all honesty I don't even think it was the guy, it was more me thinking that way.

To put in to context, I think I've just fallen out of love with DH but too scared to admit it out loud or do anything about it. I enjoy his company (sometimes) but that's about it.

Before if I was ever in the same situation, I would have talked to a man, we'd go our separate ways at the end of the night and that'd be the end of it. Never to be thought of again. But this night I lay awake wondering why I had even felt like I wanted to pursue it in the first place. But also couldn't stop thinking about the guy. I'm sure not sure if I just liked the attention (I'm sure there's some daddy issues involved with me there somewhere) or if the fact that I could think that means that yes I must really not love DH anymore and this was my lightbulb moment to do something about it.

OP posts:
spagbol11 · 25/02/2018 06:38

OP don’t end your marriage, sometimes attention from other good looking, handsome men is lovely but the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. I think sometimes things go stale when your married, have kids, daily life is a drag, but getting out of it isn’t always the answer Flowers

ivykaty44 · 25/02/2018 06:54

Op if you feel you have fallen out of love with your dh then that is indeed very sad.

Good that you didn’t act impulsively on your feelings and now you have time on your hands and a guilt free conscience to see how and where you want to move forward

You have two choices ultimately

Stay and make your marriage work, which may get you to a good place

Or leave the marriage

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