Anybody else been there?

[tizereyes]

Just wondering if there are any mums out there who have had their children later (late 30s/early-mid 40s) only to find themselves alone for whatever reason, older and with very young children?

Trying to come to terms with the reality of my situation and looking for consolation that it will be ok... the temptation is to keep plugging away at marriage knowing that things will probably only deteriorate but staying together 'for the kids'... or selfishly worrying that I won't cope alone....no family support to speak of.

Sparky

I get where you're coming from, but isn't it usually fairly obvious if it's just a question of making time?

If 2 people in that situation love each other, and are committed to their marriage properly, they'll manage to make that known to each other, won't they?

There's a thousand ways to ensure your partner that they're still important, valued, fancied etc if you want to.

Managing to sleep in the same bed would be one!

Op

I remember, when it was over but we were still living together, and i knew he was coming home. I was getting all my jobs done and the immense relief that it didnt matter if he was pleased with my achievements or not. I know my stbxh will never be happy. I cant be a part of him putting me down in order to put him up anymore.

Fighting your corner for the most basic of rights and fundamental ideas of progress is debilitating and exhausting.

At my worst i used to tell myself regularly 'what kind of mother should my children have?' And i knew i wanted them to have a mother who was important, valued and happy. Thats the kind of mother my children deserve. Im a long way from that right now but i would never have got there as his wife.

He sabotaged all my efforts and destroyed my soul, on purpose.

There are less jobs without him around. And he helps more than he ever did. He has to because of course he has convinced himself he has been hard done by. He now takes them overnight every second weekend. When they were born he didnt even take a half day off to help, and my eldest was 2 when my third child was born.

I have lazy dinner nights to avoid too many dishes, i dont iron, i write lists and achieve small tasks that make me more organised.

Id love to be in a happy relationship and im angry i have to be divorced. To be honest the open disdain and judgement from some friends has been difficult, but i know i am free.

Pm if you want. My narc ex has done all the tricks.