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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

No card or gift on birthday

8 replies

Greyday2 · 23/02/2018 21:34

Things have been very difficult and we’ve almost separated but he takes my birthday off work and after I tell him I’m going to see my mother he lets me known that he still has it off so I agree to see mother at weekend and go out with him for lunch as I’d feel bad and uncomfortable otherwise. The anger I feel for him is now chronic though and I behave badly that morning because something upset me and then he didn’t even wish me happy birthday which was my fault because of my behaviour. We argued and then had lunch which he paid for at a restaurant i chose because I knew expecting him to suggest anything was stupid and I’m exhausted. That was nice of him even if the lunch was spoiled by the morning because of the upset I caused. He did not however give me a card or any gift and said that it’s because things have been difficult and he had no time but I think it’s just very mean as I have always made an effort to celebrate his birthday and give him something thoughtful even when things haven’t been good between us and I always got him a card from our son. I’m having a really hard time at the moment and am on my own most of the time with our son who has asd and 3 month old baby and I just feel really unloved. Is that spoilt of me?

OP posts:
dumbolickous · 23/02/2018 21:43

Nope. Regardless of the situation you gave him a baby 4 weeks ago. Buying a bloody birthday card is the least he could do.
Having said that he has taken you out. Are you both just knackered? As in the parents of new baby knackered?

dumbolickous · 23/02/2018 21:44

Sorry 12 weeks ago. Same theory though.

Greyday2 · 23/02/2018 21:50

We are but it’s mostly me doing everything for our son and baby. He took me out to lunch but I had to choose where to go there was zero effort or thought on his part. I cancelled seeing my lovely mum to spend it with him because he’s taken the day off but apparently things were alright for him to take the day off work still to spend birthday with me but apparently had been too up and down to buy a card or gift? I think he just wanted to take the day off. I have always for him s thoutfuk gift and card. I just feel so depressed and punished all the time if I ever get angry I am punished like this.

OP posts:
Greyday2 · 23/02/2018 21:51

I have always got him a thoughtful gift or card on his birthday

OP posts:
lolaflores · 23/02/2018 21:57

I get the feeling you guys aren't communicating clearly and there is a simmering pot of resentment that isn't getting cleared out

Itssosunny · 23/02/2018 22:41

I think he wanted to take you out on your birthday (you chose the place but it's alright) to have a nice meal instead of writing a card or buying a gift. It was his little treat. My DH isn't good at buying presents at all. He can go to the supermarket and buy a cake, a bottle and maybe something else. I never expect a card from him but a card from children would be nice. I also started buying presents for myself on my birthdays and he is very happy that way. Last time I bought lovely shoes. Wink This year I plan to buy an eye shadow pallette. It's much better than the applicator he got for me a few years ago. He cannot believe it hurts Grin

Itssosunny · 23/02/2018 22:44

"epilator" not applicator

Itssosunny · 23/02/2018 22:53

Why are so many women bothered by not receiving a birthday card or a valentine card? What do they want to read in them, a poem? For some here on Mumsnet, not receiving a card sounds like the end of the world which is a bit ridiculous.

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