Talk some sense into me

[dontdoubtyourself]

I seperated from my husband 2.5 years ago and have been dating someone else since last summer.

On paper, my stbxh is a 'loser' low paid job (money doesn't matter to me, I loved him for him) minimal education, not much drive... We seperated as I couldn't cope with his mental health issues. My family really dislike him.

The person I've been seeing is intelligent, thoughtful, kind, generous.. perfect on paper. my family love him, and think he's much better for me.

But every day I think about my husband. I just want him back and the life with our DC I thought we would have.
I'm going to end it with the bf as me not giving 💯 is not fair and he deserves better.

Is it stupid? An ex is an ex for a reason, right? But he feels like home.

Oh god is everyone going to tell me I need to be alone?

Tricky...so you're stating unequivocally that you cannot cope with his MH issues?

How is it arranged with the children?

It comes across that you need a neutral place with a good counsellor before you make any decisions

2.5 years is a long time. Is there any way forward to reconcile with your ex? Would he be willing to seek help for his mental health issues?

Distance makes the heart grow fonder.....rose tinted spectacles....Life you envision a pipe dream? Can he actually live up to those expectations or can you accept him as he is

He needs help with his mental health issues. I would never end it with someone unless they downright refused to seek help for their mental health issues. I have them and I get help. My partner would not leave me for having them.

I'm a hopeless romantic and a believer in marriage so I'd go for it! However, he would need to recognise his issues and you the same so i would insist on counselling beforehand and implement some pretty concrete boundaries.

The life you thought you would have only exists in your dreams. Sorry.

You are grieving for what might have been - not how it actually was, or how it would have turned out had you stayed together. Agree with others, perhaps it would help if you seek counselling so you can talk things through.

I seperated from my ex one year and a half ago. We are now trying to make things work.
Your post struck a cord with me because the answer of why I chose to that I gave to the counsellor was that he felt like home.

he feels like home

What is home, though?

My ex felt like "home" to me. Because he thought of me the way my mother does/did, the way a previous vampire friend thought of me, etc. - and that was not a good thing.

The fact that something feels familiar doesn't mean it's good for you.

I daresay heroin feels very home-like to a heroin addict.

I'm a hopeless romantic and a believer in marriage so I'd go for it!

A word of advice about these sorts of statements ^
People who already believe in something are usually terrible at working out whether something is good or not. A cult member who hears you want to join their cult would be thrilled about it, for example.

Use your head OP. You have kids to think of. Your ex sounds like a waster and you sound like you're pining for things that never even existed.

There is generally a reason why friends and family don't like some partners-because they don't wear rose tinted glasses and can see them for what they really are.
Dump a decent man and go back to a lazy loser -sounds like a plan -a bad plan

Neither of them sound exactly right for you. There isn't passion oozing from your post about your current partner. Maybe the perfect match is someone else entirely.

What has actually changed that would make you able to cope with his mental health issues? Do you think it's fair on your dc or your ex to turn around after all the upheaval there has presumably been and want to reverse it all?

If your ex REALLY wanted to be with you and your child, wouldn't he have made at least some sort of effort to improve himself? Looks as though he couldn't be bothered. When everyone else in your life doesn't like your partner, it's a good idea to examine why. Seems to me you're unable to let go of a fantasy that things will magically work out.

Thank you all for your responses, I'm on the app so a bit difficult to respond individually.

'Home' is just right. Makes my heart happy but my head in the clouds. I know that sounds sickly and it's not even a phrase I'd say out loud.

Rose tinted spectacles, grieving what could have been, yes all possible. I know he still feels the same way about me.

He has been addressing his mental health issues. He has got medication and seeing a counselor. He appears to have come a long way, but obviously it's an ongoing process.