Hi all. I'll give a brief background to who I am and who I'm with before moving onto my conundrum.
I'm a single dad of to two boys, now young men. I work full time, homeowner and am 4 years into a great moving relationship with a mum of 4 younger children (youngest is 8, oldest 15). She's a full time carer and lives in rented property. We live separately as we both enjoy our independence as well as the difficulty of combining such large numbers under one roof. Two of her children have learning and behavioural difficulties plus she lives with a disability.
She is an amazing woman, can't do enough for her kids but I see her struggle, her disability is worsening, and it sometimes does get to her.
Her ex, and father to the children, pays child support via the CSA (she had to chase him for financial support, dispite him working full time) and he has, for the past 6 months, been in a relationship that has seen his time with the children reduced from every weekend to just 3 days a month. This is starting to put a strain on the relationship between my partner and I as she refuses to admit she needs help around the house and with her children.
I'm at a loss as to what to do, any attempt at helping with house work ends with her shouting at me but the house is getting to be so untidy / unclean I am uncomfortable there. When she is away from the house and children (usually at mine for only 1 day of the month) she is so relaxed but is immediately stressed out by returning home to a messy home and wild kids fuelled by junk food and sweets.
As a side note the father is not interested in dealing with his children's behaviour or learning issues, rules and routines my partner has put in place, under guidance of experts, he simply ignores.
Thank you
Wits end