Ooh, he doesn't like it when I don't concede!

[SilverHairedCat]

DH is awesome in lots of ways. I haven't had to touch the washing machine or any washing in about 3 years. He's much tidier and cleaner than I'll ever be. I do all the cooking because I enjoy 99% of it. We split the bills and the rest of the household chores.

However, he's a PITA with the stupid questions. You know the type: Where's my "insert item here", why is it only my stuff that ever gets moved, what time is it (said with phone in hand), can you ring my bank for me, how much is our gas bill, when is my mum's birthday, when is father's day, what's in the fridge..... All things he is entirely capable of dealing with himself.

Today I've had enough. My brain is overloaded, and something has to give. And it's going to be dealing with these stupid questions.

Since 4.30pm I've been asked "do you have any bulbs for this" - called from another room whilst I had my hand up the arse of the chicken were having got dinner. He was good in not psychic and to give me a clue. Cue debate about me being unreasonable.

Next was what are we having for dinner, having shown and explained it 6 minutes before. He was told to look at the kitchen counter.

Finally, it was where are my keys. And now I'm being asked if I'm OK, and why am I being obstructive 🖕😂

He's not going to enjoy this!

How old is he? My Dad only got like that when he hit his 70s.

If only, Mrs he's 37!

Concede to what?

Not thinking for himself is a massive pain in the backside, no doubt. But not liking it when someone doesnt concede to you is sinister.

Cue “why are you being like this?” “What’s the matter with you?” “Why are you not helping?” As he has to think for himself.

Perhaps concede is a poor choice of word. Good point.

Agree it's the thinking for himself bit he's unhappy about. I chose the word thinking I usually concede to do the thinking / looking etc for the sake of a quieter life.

Ouch. That sounds exhausting.

Reminds me of this article: www.harpersbazaar.com/culture/features/a12063822/emotional-labor-gender-equality/

May be silly question, but have you sat him down and talked to him about how it affects you – at a time far removed from a specific incident?

(Am asking out of genuine curiosity as someone who has never done this herself – I do a fair bit of eye-rolling and under-the-breath-muttering but tend to let things go pretty quick so have never had a full conversation about it)

I hate all the questions too - I’m currently at a spa break by myself for the sole purpose of not having to answer questions from dh, ds, dd, dm, work colleagues, boss,...,

the only answer to "Where is....?" that does not continually get you being the fount of all knowledge forever is

"Dunno"

The answer to do you know where x is, is either “yes it’s this location” or “no, sorry”.

What he wants is for you to drop what you are doing and look for it for him.

Whether you do or not will depend on the situation/importance of item/what else you are doing. It’s completely fine to say no.

The answer to “what have you done with x” is “nothing, if I’d moved it I’d know where it was”.

He’s an adult he’s responsible for his own stuff. It’s fine to ask for help occasionally but it’s not fine to always expect you to drop what you are doing.

And vice versa.

"My name is not fucking Alexa, and I am NOT your fucking Sherpa!"

That should do it.

I was bitching to my friend when boarding a plane last week about how every flipping minute either dh or one of the kids would ask me to hold something, find something, pass them something, tell them some random piece of obvious information etc.. I had barely finished my sentence when I was interrupted by dh calling over to me to please hold his bag whilst he.... something or othered.

Whenever my husband died this (rarely tonne fair) I just say "I don't know" or "What do you think " or some variant. When he still goes whiny 8 year old on me I just remind him that I am not his mother. Yours does realise that you aren't just a sexy version of his mummy right? If he wants to shag you he has to act like a grown man and deal with his own shit.

If he wants to shag you he has to act like a grown man and deal with his own shit I fucking love this 😂😂😂

My DH is the past master of this fucking shit. And if I object particularly vociferously to answering stupid questions he says he was “just thinking out loud” e.g.

Where is the X?
I don’t know - look for it yourself.
No need to take that tone, I was just thinking out loud.

Grrrr.

If he wants to shag you he has to act like a grown man and deal with his own shit.

Best thing I've read on here in years!

It’s like you are his P.A! It’s laziness. Sit him down and ask him to tone it down or maybe you could get him an Alexa as a massive hint!

I have no idea darling is my stock phrase, unless it’s about the children, then I suggest he ask their father as he should know (he is their father if it’s not obvious)

Yes, just answer 'I don't know' sweetly to all such enquiries in the future, carrying on with what you're doing.

My OH has a habit of saying "what?" after 95% of the things I say. I have now worked out that if I stay silent, he will realise he did actually hear me and respond normally. He doesn't realise he does it half the time.

^ That is far less annoying than his other habit of asking me a direct question, and when I begin to answer, immediately saying "hold on", usually because he's figuring out the answer himself. That drives me demented.

Stop enabling his nonsense and conceding