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Relationships

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Original poster

Snooping on your OH's phone

12 replies

purplelass · 23/02/2018 12:54

I totally agree that if something seems dodgy and you need evidence, it can sometimes be necessary to look on your DP's phone to confirm your suspicions (this was how I proved exH was cheating - I screenshotted some conversations after I'd accidentally found paperwork showing he'd booked a hotel with her!)

However, I think going through their phone, especially without their knowledge, implies a lack of trust and an invasion of privacy and is not a good place for a relationship to be in.

Despite being cheated on in previous relationships, I wouldn't dream of looking on current DP's phone unless he was showing me something in particular. We both leave our phones around unlocked and if I found he was looking on my phone to see who I followed on social networks / was talking to (without VERY good reason) I'd be gutted.

Thoughts?

OP posts:

ThisLittleKitty · 23/02/2018 12:58

Um good for you? I'm glad I looked at my exes phone because it was how I found out he cheated. I have no regrets.

Shoxfordian · 23/02/2018 13:03

I agree with you op
I wouldn't dream of looking through my boyfriend's phone

fantasmasgoria1 · 23/02/2018 14:31

I would not look through my partners phone unless he gave me permission to. Unless there were indicators of cheating etc I would have to be very suspicious to look though!

FuckItPassMeTheWine · 23/02/2018 14:44

So in what instance do you think it's justified to snoop op? Seems like you're saying it was ok when it suited you but now not so much ?

Regardless I think if you have a gut instinct then follow it up .

I love my DP to bits and if I caught him snooping through my phone I actually wouldn't care as I've got nothing to hide , and if having a quick look makes him feel more comfortable then tbh I wouldn't actually care. I'm not one of these "my privacy is of utmost concern to me , I feel violated bla bla bla" people , I believe in total transparency xx

yetmorecrap · 23/02/2018 15:15

To be honest it never crossed my mind until I had reason to be suspicious. In my case I wanted to look at his WhatsApp use because I saw he was getting quite a few notifications when with me and started being 'jumpy'about it and deleting off as fast as he could. when you have been married 20 years , have a business together etc and your whole lives are intertwined, to be frank I want to know whats going on when someone gets 'jumpy' about notifications and starts taking phone to bathroom etc when they have never done so before. I would say if no justification at all, then fine, don't look, if you do have reasonable suspicions and its not just a casual or recent relationship then how else are you going to get to the bottom of stuff-because if you wait for them to tell you, you would often be waiting forever. You have to have been in this position I think to know how you would feel.

Original poster

purplelass · 23/02/2018 15:38

Regardless I think if you have a gut instinct then follow it up

Exactly that. If you had a gut feeling then its a good idea but I believe that just having a nose for no reason that's out of order.

OP posts:

TheNaze73 · 23/02/2018 16:30

Totally agree with you OP.

If people are that insecure about their partners that they have to snoop, why are they with them?

ThisLittleKitty · 23/02/2018 18:34

Exactly that. If you had a gut feeling then its a good idea but I believe that just having a nose for no reason that's out of order.

Surely that's why everyone looks though? Your obviously looking because your expecting to find something so that's a gut feeling no?

Addy2 · 23/02/2018 21:19

I wouldn't care if DH looked through my phone.

upsideup · 23/02/2018 21:27

I agree OP, I think if a relationship has got to the point where you need to invade your partners privacy and secretly look at their phone then it is basially already over, regardless of whether there is reason for you to be snooping or not.
Me and my DH are relaxed about are phones and will use each others when battery is low on the other for example but never would I dream of looking through his messages without permission and think he would feel the same, if he ever did I would be very hurt and struggle to rebuild trust back.

StarlightSparkle · 23/02/2018 21:28

I had never looked at my H’s phone in 9 years but then something triggered my senses and I snooped. Turned out I was right and he was having an affair. In normal circumstances, no I wouldn’t look.

NotTheFordType · 23/02/2018 22:06

If I was any way reliant on my partner - financially, emotionally, for childcare - I'd 100% look at their phone.

In 100% of cases I have found my suspicions were correct.

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