Am I being stupid?

[helpme1011]

I currently work in a job that I don't enjoy. It is also a family business. After leaving school I had no idea what I wanted to do so after a few job fails I decided to settle for the family business. I have been here 2 years, I work long hours and not for very much.

I have decided that I want to go into teaching and would like to go to University in September 2019. I have signed up to do an extra A-Level studying at home so I have more chance of getting in. I really have my heart set on but there are a few issues.

Firstly letting my father down. I have briefly told him that I want to go to Uni next year and got told I was being selfish and that I was leaving him in a shit position (although he has over a year to find me a replacement)

Also secondly my partner is 10 years older then me. By the time I do my 3 years at Uni, I will be late 20's. I know that he want's children and that he doesn't want to be an "old" father.

AIBU to do this? I really want to make something out of my life and do something that makes me happy but I feel like I will make other people unhappy by doing it.

You have one life. Live it.

Your father made his choices as you must make yours. I can understand him being a bit upset that you’re ‘rejecting’ what he sees as a good opportunity in life (if he does!?), but he has no right to say you’re leaving him in a shit position when you’re giving him 18 months notice. He’s not paying you a lot? Is he paying you what you’d get elsewhere doing the same job? Can the business afford to pay more? How well does he pay himself and any others?

DH, that’s a bit different. If you go into teaching now you’ll be mid 30’s by the time taking maternity leave is a reasonable option, that’s the average age of a new Mum now and DP will only be mid 40’s, that’s not ‘old’. But not working for a few years will change your life a lot & when you’re in a relationship you have to take that into consideration. You need to talk it through with DH.

...I love kids, I love teaching them stuff, but there’s no way I’d go into teaching now. There’s a reason so many teachers are chucking it in and it’s not the kids. For contentious teachers it’s not ‘family friendly’ either. Think hard about it.

@AnnieAnoniMouse if she is to finish uni by late 20s, why on earth will she be in her mid 30s by the time she is ready to take maternity leave?!

I agree with the PP.

Put yourself first, OP. Go to university now. Your partner has to accept he's ten years older than you and that you are not at the same point in your life that he is.

I'd recommend you do a degree in something you love before considering whether to teach, though. Study something that makes your heart sing and study it in a place you'd love to live in, too. Don't feel restricted by area or subject. If that means you don't see your partner all the time, so be it. This is a time for you.

Good for you! That sounds like a great plan. Please don't let anyone talk you out of it, people can be very selfish. Can you do an Access course instead of A Levels? It might make it quicker.

Thanks for your advice! I want to be a Drama teacher. I always wanted to be an actress when I was younger but talked myself out of it. Also when I was at school my Drama teacher was my guardian angel and she made me feel so special. I would love to make someone else feel like that.

I have been doing some research and I think I would just stay in my home town to study so wouldnt be too far away from anyone.

I have always put people before me and always feel too selfish if I do anything for myself but I really have my heart set on this.

Then do it. Please. You only have one life. And you sound like such a nice person who could offer a great deal to young people. Please let us know how you get on.

Thank you so much