Fiancee into another guy

[Jober]

My fiancee is currently studying for a degree one day per week which she loves. However, I know she has a little "crush" on a guy there which I'm ok with as we are all human and as long as you don't act upon anything, its ok. Anyway, it wasn't bothering me at all until last night when I came back early from squash and she was in the bath on the phone to her friend in the USA for which I could hear every word. She obviously hadn't heard me come in and continued talking and told her friend that she had been paired with this guy to do a presentation, but itll be really hard to concentrate as he's so fit. Also that she finds it really hard to talk to him because she finds him so attractive and she goes all shy around him, but he's a pretty good laugh during the day at college. This all sounds so worrying to me as it sounds like she really fancies him and i am just so worried that working together might bring them closer so to speak. Again, the fact she found another guy attractive is never an issue, its just worrying me because she feels that strongly about having to work with him, she wants to tell her friends. What do you guys think? I don't want to confront her either.

You're not being melodramatic at all. You're engaged to this woman and she's being completely inappropriate.
I'd confront her about it and explain that you overheard her and are concerned by the level of her feelings for this guy.
Better to know where you stand now than when there's a wedding ring on your finger.

I agree with Sandy I wouldn’t want to marry a woman I know has a crush and clearly fancies someone else.
The standard of person you want to marry should be higher.

Very disrespectful. I would see this as a serious threat. You're being more patient than I would be and I am not a jealous person at all.

I think if there was any risk of anything, she probably wouldn't be telling everyone how fit she thinks he is. She'd probably be freaking out and you'd be noticing a change in her behaviour. I don't think anything bad is going to happen but that must have been awful for you to hear :-( if I were you, I would have to bring it up. But I think the best approach is an understanding one like 'hey babe I'm really sorry but I overheard snippets of your conversation the other day in the bath. I'm not pissed off, I just wanted to check that we were ok? I know we're only human and can find others attractive but just wanted to make sure it's nothing more? Something I should be worried about?' Just really light and non-confrontational. I

don't think there is any point in burying your head in the sand on this one. You heard what your heard and have said yourself that there will always be that 1% of worry now. Asking a simple question will not push her away unless she had one foot out the door anyway. Which I highly doubt as she's making future plans which involve you. It might do some good to bring her wandering mind back to earth to be honest. If the shoe were on the other foot, do you think she would be happy with you telling all your friends how 'fit' the girl at work is? I'd be highly pissed and I'm sure she would too.

As an aside, there is a guy at my work that there is not only a mutual attraction with, but also an absolute spark of chemistry. But this is irrelevant as I would never risk what I have at home, so it would really take an awful lot to give me a push to do something like leaving ie; being miserable at home, which doesn't sound like the case here? I certainly wouldn't be telling all my mates how fit I thought he was though. It doesn't look good does it?

She wouldn't be human if she didn't find somebody else attractive, doesn't mean something is going to happen. I'd probably make it into a jokey thing. My DP does that about someone I've been known to find a bit of a dish, calls him my fancy man lol.

I find what she has done diresle tfyl. Whatever about a little crush you keep to yourself, but telling her friends!!!! I wonder how she would feel if she overheard you telling the same to a friend. In fact I'd ask her this very question, substituting his name for a woman you work with. Ask her how she feels. I'm sorry you had to hear that. In your shoes I'd be very hurt.

Disrespectful*

That must have been really hard to hear :(

I think you should talk to her, be open about how you feel, otherwise it will just eat away at you and turn into paranoia.

She seems very immature. Find somebody else.

I agree with pp that women posting similar are told that their dp is a disrespectful pig.

It's not just that she fancies him, it's that she's so consumed that she wants to share it with her friends. So her feelings for this colleague are now news that she needs to tell people about on the phone. And you're not even married yet, you are as loved-up as you will ever be!

She is planning your birthday because she's not about to throw everything away for a crush, but would she reciprocate if he showed an interest?

Even if there's no chance of anything happening, even if he's out of her league and blatantly not interested, it's so hurtful to be talking to other people about him in that way.

You absolutely must tell her that you heard, and clear the air. If you think voicing your concerns might be enough to push her away, you've got bigger problems than her having a crush.