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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I've realised I don't love my dad

1 reply

lostintheplace · 22/02/2018 22:29

My mum and Dad are still together. My mum is an absolute angel. Her heart is kind. I have never ever argued with my mum. I am now 23 and live in my own house with my partner. My mum is the perfect mum. But my dad is an absolute dick.

I witnessed him always shouting at her and now with age I've realised he's verbally and emotionally abusive to her. He used to be to me. It's also given me a terrible view of relationships and what's normal (ie to snap at someone and be controlling - I try to not let this behaviour come from me but it does sometimes).

To me personally, he's always called me fat despite being a size 8 and now my body image is very messed up. Surprisingly social media has helped me get back into a good mindset with that. When I got my first boyfriend at 16 he didn't talk to me for a month. Sometimes he will just randomly be in a mood with me. I genuinely blame this as the reason why, when that boyfriend began emotionally and physically abusing me, I kept it hidden. I luckily escaped whilst at University and my strong will saved me.

My mum will never leave my dad and I'm sad to say I'd never tell her to. I would always be there for her though through anything. He is disrespectful to her when he wants to be. I think he's very damaged from childhood and is now disabled so takes his constant pain out on her.

I don't know what I want from this post but I feel lost and I genuinely don't know what to do.
My dad does love me and does want the best for me I think, he can be good to me and our relationship improved.

Right now he's not talking to my mum and I think it's because I went on holiday and sent the pictures to my mum when in the past I would send to him (Mum didn't have an iPhone). I think he's jealous.

OP posts:
buckingfrolicks · 22/02/2018 22:41

That's sad, for all of you. It's horribly hard to accept your parents are flawed people - and seeing your dads behaviour in that way must really be tough.

All I can tell you is your dad will love you, and he will be suffering somewhere possibly hidden to him, knowing that you don't love him. I think you're right about jealousy, it is absolutely possible to be jealous of your child preferring the other parent.

Don't close the door on him too firmly. Or, if you can afford it, I recommend the Hoffman Programme, to help you process your own behaviours learned from that family background.

You sound very caring and wise. Good luck.

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