Is it me or him?

[Tenshidarkangel]

Just looking for some view points on where to go:

My and DP have been together 7 months and things have come to a head over the last 2 weeks. Namely due to his constant use of his phone and another woman.

He's constantly on his phone (He denies this) and usually its messaging his brother or this other woman.

I have no issues with his female friends, I've met most of them and they're nice but they don't talk anywhere near as much as him and this woman (Who I've not met).
He doesn't hide his phone and I've not gone through his phone but her message notifications are constantly popping up and it's really started to play on my insecurities.
I've mentioned I'm not comfortable with how much they speak and could he not do it when I'm around as its making me really insecure (I only see him on weekends - made it clear he's free to message her at any other point) He agreed they probably messaged to much than was normal. I also said he wouldn't like it if the shoe was on the other foot (He denied this too) and low and behold, they're still messaging a week later, right under my nose. Harmless messages that I've clocked but still making me feel very insecure and like I'm not giving him what he needs.

My gut says they have history (He denies this) but she's married and in her mid/late 40's where as he's 30. He's not seen her in years either.

I'm worried it's me over reacting and it's causing major tension.

Am I sabotaging this or would you ladies be uncomfortable with it? I don't want to be 'that' woman but it's really playing on my mind.

(There has been lies in the past about weed (I wont tolerate drug use) where he lied about using it and then 2 months later he admitted he did do it on occasion - Just so I don't drip feed)

I would end this relationship.

What do you get out of this relationship of seven months with a man that you have only seen on weekends?. A relationship of such a short length should not be such hard work already and this does not bode at all well. He is emotionally involved with this woman and is putting energies into that relationship rather than into any relationship with you.

Stop selling your own self short here and believe properly that you deserve more.

You've stayed with him also despite him lying about weed even though you do not tolerate drug use. So why are you still together at all?. What is in this still for you?.

Should also mention I'm Vit D and B12 deficient and on. Tired and over emotional to a T

@attilathemeerkat

I stayed because he promised to quit and it wasn't worth losing me over. We live an hour away from each other so it kinda restricts how often we see each other as I have work. :(
Generally we get on really well, it's the nicest relationship I've had in a while but this woman is just wearing me down.

Just be careful my dh also said he would quit but moved their messages to WhatsApp which wouldn’t show on the phone bill

Nope - 7 months in and he should be falling himself still, trying to impress you.
Throw this one back.
He's just not that invested or interested or he would have stopped it when with you.
He hasn't. He doesn't care!

@alfiemoon1 They're already on whatsapp which is how I've seen the notifications that its her.

He's projecting onto me that I'm on my phone as much as he is (I have been recently but only because of work (One of those jobs I could be called in for at any point)) but it's generally dead at his cause I can't find a charger!

Least you're all confirming what I was thinking. :(

7 months in, is it really worth the hassle?

I agree at only 7 months in it isn’t worth the hassle

He is not into you, he is into this other woman. Throw this one back and end this before you get any more over invested and or hurt by his actions. His promises as well mean jack shit, look at his actions rather than mere words.

If this is the nicest relationship you have had in a while as well then it does not say much about the overall quality of those other relationships either.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up, why are your boundaries here so very low?.

@Atilla

I've had a habit of finding the ones that need 'fixing'. Most of them have ended with cheating or lies or overbearing mothers. Couple of narcissistic men in there and one or two abusive ones on an emotional level.

I resign myself to being utterly useless at relationships! XD

Thanks for all the feedback guys. Appreciate it.

Thought so and this one is the latest in a long time of overall crappy men too.

You need to love your own self for a change (that may sound trite but its true) as well as throwing this man back.

Do not resign yourself to being utterly useless about relationships for the rest of your days. You can unlearn a lot of the damaging stuff you have learnt about relationships along the way but is going to take a lot of work to do that and it will not be easy or a quick fix. BACP are good and do not charge the earth. Do also read the baggage reclaim website.

7 months in and causing this much grief..it shouldn't be like this op. It should still be the honeymoon period, you should both be presenting the best side of eachother.
Too much angst for such a new relationship. I would walk away.