Does anyone feel the relationship board is bad for you?

[bitzy12]

I'm always on here, especially lately as I'm pregnant and have been very very ill. Mumsnet has helped me pass the time and certain threads on here have really got me through.

But I always seem to find myself lurking on the relationship ones and I think it might be bad for my marriage.

Reading what other people's partners get up to is awful, I do post on some and offer my advice and experience if necessary but it always gets me thinking. I've got no reason not to trust my dh but just lately I've been looking for reasons not to trust him and I just don't know why.

When he's not at work he's with me. He's been an absolute godsend while I've been ill but over the last week or so....I dunno.

It's just little things like last night he said he was planning on doing some extra work on top of his usual job for someone....I immediately thought it was all lie and there was someone else....why I thought this I have no idea. Then he showed me the call of the person that rang him (I think I must of acted a little bit off) and then I thought why are you showing me that? Why are you proving it to me?

He has 2 phones at the minute, one for work which his boss gave him. Again, no reason really to be suspicious. He puts the work one down when he comes in and doesn't pick it up again until the morning. He's in the process of getting rid of his personal phone and just using the work one for both as his boss said that was fine. But it still makes me think. He always says I can look at his phone if I want, I know the passcode too. He's very open with that. But there are times when I've asked to use it and he lets me but has to watch me use it. He's always been quite cagey like that but I honestly don't think he's up to anything. If anything he maybe watches porn but I don't necessarily have a problem with that.

There just been other little comments and things that have made me think he's up to something but it's all down to me and the fact that I'm one emotional pregnant lady that's over thinking everything and I really don't think mumsnet helps at times. You see other people's situations and think 'what if my dh is doing that'

I just create things in my head then assume them to be real. This is all pregnancy related as I never really felt this before and like I say, I've spent some time in hospital over the last few weeks due to me being very ill. Thankfully baby is fine and I'm on the mend. But I still feel shit and very unsexy.

Oh I don't know, I just feel something isn't right and I can't put my finger on it but I have absolutely no evidence he's cheating or doing anything he shouldn't. He's always home or working. We just maybe aren't as close as we usually are at the minute and I'm feeling it more with my hormones.

I don't think there's any sort of main point to this post either....it's just been bugging me for the last week or so x

Overall, reading the relationships board had massively improved my relationship with DH. It's made me much more appreciative and less critical of him, and forced me to examine some of my own negative behaviors. I've learned so much on here. Not that he knows this!

The only thing that causes me to worry is our joint decision we made 10 years ago for him to be the breadwinner and for me to work part-time/freelance so we have a better work/life balance as a family. We are very happy and there are absolutely no issues at all BUT reading this board has made me realise how vulnerable I am if things were to go tits up. So I have that nagging worry at the very back of my mind, which I probably wouldn't have had if I hadn't have read about other people's experiences here. In RL I probably know more SAHM than WOH and it doesn't seem to bother them.

As with anything, there’s a danger of confirmation bias and only taking in the bits that tap into how you are feeling when you have strong opinions about anything.

If you’re in a good place, this isn’t a problem. If you’re in a bad place there’s a danger you’ll post and read the bits that feed into that without there being balance and context. There’s when it can get to be problematic.

This board has helped me articulate feelings about DH which I haven’t been able to before. It’s a shame I didn’t find it sooner because, in all seriousness, I’m not sure I’d have stayed with him.

That’s difficult for me so I try not to read too much anymore.

I agree, and think about stepping away from the site sometimes. I think the other boards can have an effect too, not just this one. That said, there’s loads of support here.

This board has helped me raise my bar with men, and stand up to my narcissistic EA mother, and for that I’ll be forever grateful. I’ve learned so much from posters on here.

As a side note, OP, you might want to tell your DH not to watch porn on his phone if he’s only using his work one now

Yes, also most people on this forum give terrible advice which leads to people making stupid decisions in their marriage.

I think if MN had been around years ago I would definitely have been told to LTB on occasion.

I agree with this too.

Just on the phone thing -

I know DP's passcode.

He still is a little cagey with me looking at his phone sometimes.

Usually when he's been researching surprises or presents on the run up to birthdays or Christmas for me.

He also likes his privacy and I am quite nosy and have a tendency to read the messages he sends his mum in case there's any moaning about me 😆