I feel like my ex-partner is lying to me. After several years of difficulties in our relationship (been together 19yrs) four days before Xmas he said he wanted to split. This is after I’d said many times I thought it was over but he insisted we should keep on for the kids. We’ve been in separate bedrooms for some years with occasional sex. It was all very amicable for a month, we agreed to stay in the house together and put it up for sale, agreed when and how to tell our four children, agreed a custody arrangement. He seemed upset and distant but not hostile. Agreed the kids were priority. I thought we were managing ok considering.
And then he started changing what we had agreed. He told two of our children when he was with them and then insisted I tell the other two. I didn’t know he was going to tell them that day. He started sending messages insisting that I respond to his financial proposals, asking me to move the sale of the house forward, would I consider moving out with the kids first, tons of messages until I started having panic attacks and told him to stop.
He told the kids stuff we had agreed he wouldn’t tell them or that I hadn’t agreed to. He started going out late every night he wasn’t putting kids to bed, like midnight on a weekday. He joined the gym, started eating differently. He was very unhappy when I said I would be seeking some advice although I stressed that I didn’t want to get into a legal battle. He’s self employed and has two companies plus owns a building - whilst we are not married I wasn’t sure what I was entitled to.
Finally he announced he was moving out and he’s looking for houses now to rent within a fortnight. This was a mere two weeks after we’d told our kids. We have three boys on the autistic spectrum and our daughter has been struggling for months with low self-esteem, hitting herself and really struggling.
He says he will pay the mortgage, the bills and a small maintenance amount until the house sells. I am working freelance right now and have very little income. When I got upset at this because it changed all we had agreed on he insisted it was my fault and my attitude meant he couldn’t live with me. I’m still not sure what he means. He says I’m not grateful enough for what he’s offered etc and I started this by wanting to split up in the first place. I now find he’s planning to buy everything new for his rented house to the tune of 4.5 thousand. Hes asked to shut down our joint account but he’s already cancelled various direct debits and other things. The first I knew was emails from the bank.
Finally, I’ve started to wonder why he suddenly wanted to split. His explanation seemed wrong somehow. I feel he’s lying to me. About all sorts of things and I think something may have happened at his works do the day he told me. I have no proof. He’s being cruel, hostile and attacks me for things I don’t think I’ve done. I feel completely at sea.
What should I be looking out for? What should I be wary of? A friend gave me the name of a specialist lawyer today who deals with unmarried couples and I’m going to ring tomorrow. I have little money of my own to pay for a lawyer though. All my money is in the house. Sorry it’s so long I’ve been in tears and panicking all evening and it’s good to write it all down.