Angry at having to accept family estrangement is permanent.

[EmergingFromThePitOfDespair]

I have to accept that I will never see my mother, stepfather, bio father, siblings and nephews and nieces again. I have to accept I am alone in the world with an emotionally constipated H. I have to accept that my children have no relatives that care about them and I have no one to help out with them in a crisis.

I am angry. Why me? Why do I have to accept this on top of the other shit I've had to deal with in my life?

There is no going back. The truth (mine) is out now and will never be forgiven although its me that should have been the one to forgive.

I know the serenity prayer but its so hard to put into practice over something so massive.

I don't need advice on the situation itself just how to accept it?

It is possible Niki, but as long as you say you love your DN's and show it (backing it up with actions), then eventually they may come to the point where they see that, and realise that everything their GP and DP's are saying about you is a load of crap.

OP, accepting your situation is just like any other situation. It will be harder because it is family, but it's still something you must do. After all, it has happened. So the best thing you can do is try and carry on as normal, but you have the added bonus of not having these toxic people in your life anymore.

If any friend that treated you like that, would soon be an ex friend, so just because you were born into that family, why exactly is it any different?

People don't generally go NC for minor reasons. They go NC because of mental, emotional and physical abuse from family members that has been going on for many years. It takes a long time to decide to go NC, but at that point, the person has thought things through and decided that it's the only option available to protect their mental and emotional health and welfare. Especially if said person has DC. Better to be rid of toxic people, than have your own, and possibly your DC's, MH decimated and ground into the pavement by said nasty folks.

You have been truthful and they have not. When people lie in situations that have outcomes like this it affects them long term because they have to keep the lies going, to others as well as themselves.

You will heal with time, whereas time will only strenghthen the guilt they will be dragging around with them.

Please try to find some techniques to overcome your anger, it can cloud your judgement and make you do and say some really stupid shit that can't ever be undone, I know this from experience.

Losing family is so painful and I hope you can find some peace.

OP - I an NC with my father and my sister. I simply have nothing to do with them, and they with me.

I wouldn't want my children to be contacted by them, they are toxic. They will never have access to my kids (my father has never met them - 26 years)

Yes my kids don't have 'cousins, aunts, uncles, people who are blood' but they have plenty of people who I can rely on, who love them. They are not blood, but friends.

Lots of good advice here OP. I find the thread really usefully myself.

As a child you have no choice but to endure a dysfunctional family. As an adult you can choose. You build your own family.

Don't let this situation intrude on your present life. Try mindfulness to help with the stress. Many, many people are in this situation.

@EmergingFromThePitOfDespair
Hi there. Just found this very old post of yours and wondered how you are. Your situation sounds very, very similar to mine. Thought I’d say hi and see how things have been for you xxxx