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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Would love some help with this

10 replies

Noodlee · 21/02/2018 16:46

So my partner and I have a 4 month old and since I've been pregnant we have been arguing a lot! We are trying to find a way to stop to save our relationship but it's not working and the next day we are arguing again. We are both awful at communication and get snappy very quickly which starts arguments a lot. So we are trying to find a way where if one person gets shitty and starts an argument then there is a "consequence". So like give the other one a massage...you get the drift but we can't come up with something. Any ideas?

(We are both in the process of starting individual counselling)

OP posts:
StormTreader · 21/02/2018 16:55

Im not sure I would want a massage from someone who I was arguing with a few minutes ago, or to give one! Too much temptation to "accidentally" dig a little too hard.....

Original poster
Noodlee · 21/02/2018 16:58

Hahaha true! Can you think of anything because we keep having arguments that dont actually need to be arguments but we make them into one because:

1)we both get shitty way too quickly

2)we both always say things the wrong way

And it's seriously ruining our relationship

OP posts:
OhHolyJesus · 21/02/2018 17:01

Try the IMAGO method and possibly seek counselling so you can be guided how to use it.

It helps you communicate and understand each other's point of view more.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 21/02/2018 17:30

Yes, I think if you're both committed to saving the relationship, couples counselling is something that may help - helping you learn how to speak and listen to each other better. Good luck!

Original poster
Noodlee · 21/02/2018 19:13

Thank you for the comments. Yeah we are going to start individual counselling first then go on to couples. Just need some ideas on what to do if one starts an argument

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 21/02/2018 19:27

Could you agree to a time-out? If you start, then one of you (it doesn't matter which) just says 'We need a time out' - you both go to different rooms (not shouting at each other!) and just have 5 mins to calm down? It's hard to know if that would work or not as I don't know either of you but might help?

Original poster
Noodlee · 21/02/2018 21:49

Thank you for the suggestion. I'll defiently try that and see if it helps

OP posts:
FabbyChix · 21/02/2018 22:32

What are you arguing about? Is it the same thing all the time

Original poster
Noodlee · 23/02/2018 09:12

Sometimes it's the same things and sometimes it's different. We argue about money, the way the other person might say something, that we dont appreciate each other enough. We live with my family at the moment and we always argue about my sister and her partner as we aren't there biggest fans

OP posts:
BackInTheRoom · 23/02/2018 10:20

Google John Gottmans credentials. He has a Relationship love lab and is an author as well.

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