Mum knocking my confidence (again)

[ValentinesOrNot]

I’ve started seeing someone after a long period of being single and I’ve just told my mother. She seemed to be really pleased and happy for me, but she has a history of making little passive aggressive digs and comments about my body and relationships, when I’m in one. I’m a size 10 but not blessed size-wise in the breast department and today she said “your guy isn’t a boob person then obviously... not being funny or anything.... I just mean some men only go for women with massive boobs”
Thanks mum. I’ve always been self conscious of my chest, although no partner has ever commented on it negatively.

Also I showed her photos of the guy and his selfie face is always serious, she said “why isn’t he smiling on any of them? He hasn’t got dirty horrible old teeth has he?”

I’ve had enough already, seriously regret telling her about my relationship. I hid it from her for 3 months as it is. Her being like this makes me feel I’m either not good enough for him, or that my choice of partner isn’t good enough for her.
I don’t know what advice I’m seeking I guess I just wanted to vent.

hug :)

My nan was exactly the same as this - my poor mum having to grow up with her!
Every time she says something horrible you need to say “that wasn’t very nice was it” or say something along the same lines back to her “if you’ve got nothing nice to say then don’t say anything” she’ll soon either stop - or she’ll carry on, in which case I started saying things back to her “oh you look fat today” - this made me essentially as bad as her but it worked - slowly but surely lol xx

I have a DM like this- perhaps less of the sly dig, more of the ‘no filters gobsmacking direct comments’.

I create a nice loooong silence after she drops one of these. I keep up the stare for ages. Sometimes I let it develop into Paddington’s Hard Stare. I completely ignore whatever next thing she says, as if I’m too busy thinking which grim nursing-home I’ll be contacting on her behalf.

Then I make my excuses and cut things short. If they insist on having the same lack of courtesy as toddlers, then they can have the same consequences. Time out, deprivation of treats.

Back yourself a bit more, love. You are a grown woman who doesn’t need her approval. Once you stop hoping for it, it is very freeing. Once they realise you’ve stopped, it’s amazing how their behaviour improves. Through sheer self-interest of course, but hey, it’s something.

Congrats on the new fella!

Years ago my dad told me my bf 'wasn't very interesting'. My bf is now my dh (married nearly 20 years) and he's the funniest, cleverest, loving person I know. I realised my dad's comment said more about him than it did about dh. My dad might have had an idea in his head of the person I should be with, and perhaps your dm does too (hence her comments). My dad and dh get on famously now.

Enjoy your new relationship and ignore the comments if you can - how you feel about your bf is the important thing. You ARE good enough for him!! If you feel up to engineering a quick meeting so your dm can meet your bf that might help (unless you feel dm might make 'boob' comments... if so, your bf could always distract her by showing her his teeth so she can inspect them ).

Your mum is a mean girl. I have one similar so from me. I get round this by 1. Living on the other side of the world and 2. Not telling her anything.

What a poisonous bitch. Parents should be your number one fans. Why on earth would she comment on breast size or on a bloody picture. Think about it. It's to make you feel bad and not good enough.

Is she jealous or something? Not all men
Like big breasts in fact most I know have liked legs and bums more! I have c cup boobs but my fiancé prefers legs and bums!

I'm afraid this is who she is, there isn't a parallel universe where she's different, protect your mh by being very selective in what you tell her from now on.

Please embrace your little boobs.
Many men prefer them as they are usually more sensitive than big ones.
And just think, when you are my age, they won't be saggy at all.
Mine are still lovely and pert at nearly 50 and so many of my friends and family wish they had boobs my size now!
Your time will come - I promise you that!!!

If she is always like this then please stop sharing with her.
If these comments knock your confidence then there is no point in her knowing.
You will NEVER get her approval.
Stop trying.
Do you live with her?

My Mum can be like this. She'll be vile, I'll go NC, then grey rock for a bit then start talking to her again.

I spoke to her today for the first time ever over Skype (I live abroad and have not had internet until now) after not seeing her for two years. First thing she says is "wow you've put on weight, your face is so blotchy and red looking, ugh, let's stick to phone calls from now on."

Time to go grey rock again. Ugh. Cow.

Try it op.