I’ve posted before. Was seeing a guy who was in an “open relationship”. He was pretty manipulative the whole way through, telling me lies over and over again. The times I tried to call it off, he hooked me back in by emphasising that his girlfriend was fine with everything, playing at being nice etc. Then he showed his true colours after a while and I couldn’t work out why I was so sad all the time. I spoke to a tutor at university and she said he was emotionally abusive. Something clicked and I began to doubt everything he ever said. Some things he told me were factually inaccurate and my tutor confirmed this.
So I asked the girlfriend, sent her a message, whether they had ever been in an open relationship, and she said no. Which kicked off a shitstorm. He immediately texted and said he would phone me soon. I was terrified because he was so angry. He made me tell him what I had said (so he could get out of it/have the edge). I was in a state and he came round at 11pm and sat in a chair seething at me. He wouldn’t come near me and just watched me cry, asking why I was trying to ruin his life, didn’t I care.
So I promised to tell her I was a liar and shut up. But eventually I sent her all the evidence because she had a right to know.
He told me she was coming to my house to hurt me, so I panicked and told the police, who wanted to prosecute but I said I didn’t want any trouble. I got a taxi to a friend’s overnight so I wasn’t sitting in my flat shaking and waiting for her to bang on my door (I live alone).
A few weeks later I confronted him about this, and he said I was gullible and he didn’t think I’d believe him. He also said I was gullible for believing his lies, patronised me, put me down, then alternated being flattering and ‘nice’ but then went back to putting me down again. I kept asking why he did this to me and why he picked me, why keep me hanging for three months. Why tell me that he considered me one of the closest people to him, why constantly play down his relationship and act like it was barely a casual fling. Why tell me so many outright lies, some of them just plain weird (he faked entire conversations with mutual friends that I have since verified were totally made up).
I know I should be healing and moving on. I have tried so hard for the past month. But I’ve relapsed into bulimia and I know it’s because I’m masking my unhappiness and it’s coming out that way. I feel fine on the surface but it is gnawing away at me underneath. I love him and they didn’t even break up.. whatever he told her, it worked, she’s still there. And I just feel emotionally violated. I cried so many tears over the whole thing, wondering why he was so hot/cold (without knowing the truth, he was worried he’d get caught). He said I was like a drug and he felt dirty being in my flat. All this shit keeps echoing round in my head.
He is the least abusive man I’ve been with and I thought he was different, but it was all a lie.
And I hate that I feel so vindictive that I wanted them to split. I wanted him to hurt like I did. But he doesn’t and he won’t. It’s like I’m left like this and he’s just binned me and gone. I just feel very confused, and down.