Is it me or him?

[Lauren18]

Hi,

So I've been with my bf for over 5 years now and feel like I'm going crazy so I really need some advice,

Basically he's always been a bit of a stress head but now it's getting to me, he seems to be in a mood constantly, always criticising everything I do I feel I can't do anything right at all,
*if there's traffic and I'm home later(1 hour at least commute) everyday he's in a mood thinking I've been to see someone on the way home,

• if I make plans with my friends(the ones I have left)he goes in a mood telling me I have no time for him even though I feel like I can't leave his side! I feel like I'm treading on eggshells making plans,

he doesn't work and stays up til 6 in the morning and he wakes about half hour before I get home, house is a sht tip, no tea started, then starts cleaning when I'm home so I help, he sleeps all day but as soon as I finish work he needs to do all his stuff so I have to do it with him( I can't remember the last time I could finish work and chill)

• when I'm in a good mood, he'll make smart remarks/ name calling( to bring me down because he's unhappy I think)

He does name call a lot but he says it's banter

*when I ask him to do me a favour he says no coz he's chilling doing nothing but smoke weed

I am actually wondering wtf as I'm writing this but basically I'm suffering with depression and severe anxiety at the moment and have lost a lot of weight

My question is, am I being oversensitive because of my depression? I don't know anymore my heads a mess, I'm so confused I feel like I can't make decisions on my own anymore,

Any advice is very much aporeaciated,

Thanks

Has he got a key to your place? Do you have any belongings at his? Does he have access to your money, online accounts or other valuable things? If yes to any, then make moves to change that and protect yourself.

Absolutely nothing wrong with you! The only problem is him! Get rid of him, all your problems will disappear! 👍🏻

Ah sweetie, its all him
None of this is good or normal or healthy.
Break up with him.

I've only read the original post, but I came on to say that anyone would be depressed and anxious living with that level of blame, criticism, laziness, control and general fuckwitery.
I promise you will feel better, and your life will be more enjoyable without him.

Normal is a relationship that enhances your life.
With my other half I feel like I can depend on him, he's on my side, he's got my back. There will always be compromise, but it's never about you being made to feel small, or unsafe, or not good enough.

You might be bored at work, but you have bills to pay, so you put up with it. But relationships are a choice, an extra. If it doesn't add something pretty amazing to your life, then don't bother. So let your feelings be your guide here.

Good luck with it op.

OP this is your first relationship - but not last!

I wish I had mumsnet back when I was trying to leave my firs boyfriend.
Now I look back and regret the waste of time.
Sometimes I thought "well but there's no on better - I wanted to not be alone"

The thing is - there was. Not just other partner. There was me! I was better and deserved better. I wish I had spend more time by myself because it helps you in future relationship to have your feet planted firmly about you.

Be your friend, and look after yourself. And don't fall for any crap when you break up: you are not responsible for his happiness/unhappiness/ability or inability to do anything.
If things were going to improve it would have been when you moved out.
You've just grown apart. (Though mostly it sounds like You have grown and he stayed where he was)

This is not even a relationship it's casual. All this, over some skunk-weed head? You're not married, you don't live together. 5 years and he's your "boyfriend?!".

You DO know what's 'normal'. Don't pretend. You live in society you watch tv and you're online. So you know this isn't the type of man every woman has.

He doesn't work? Who buys his weed then? You?

I suspect you love this man because of that you want him at any cost. But we don't HAVE to have a man just because we want him. It's a road yo despair if that man is no good for you. It's a very hard thing to do but you have to learn to face the fear hurt pain of not having someone you want, be prepared to go through it and trust that you will come put the other side better one day with your life intact, instead of ruined via years spent with a waste of space no-hoper.

Do better for yourself. Life is too short, honestly.