How do you know you're ready to get married?

[dkb15164]

Known partner for a year and half, were like best friends (although he secretly fancied me all along) at beginning, followed by one night stand that led to 2 months happily dating before we discovered I was up the duff. This unplanned pregnancy main factor in decision to move in together last month in preparation of baby's arrival due to logic, currently 32 weeks. We love each other a great deal and he has been nothing but supportive and encouraging since finding out I'm pregnant. Said at the time he would endorse whatever my decision was 100% but later admitted to me that if I had decided to abort he would have been devastated but lived with it and that if I had decided to put baby up for adoption he would have been torn between staying with me and adopting/taking parental guardianship of baby himself as he has always wanted to be dad. He reads all the baby books, wakes up in middle of night if I'm crying hormonally, makes dinner and runs me baths when he gets home before me. Witnessed 3 of my mums marriages and never seen a man be so kind and loving that it makes me a little distrustful. This morning I had a uni assignment due in and he stayed up with me to help me finish it. We seem to bring out the best in each other - I make him more thoughtful and helpful towards strangers and he makes me less anxious about things, my family are a bit wary of him due to 9 year age gap. His family are lovely, his mum has made me feel like one of her own. His friends are wary of me, again I think because of the age gap. My friends have ditched me since finding out I was pregnant so their opinions don't largely matter but seems positive from them anyway. Reason why I'm asking is that when we were watching married at first sight the other night topic of marriage obviously came up (his best friend's engagement party coming up soon as well). He said he thinks that he would only wait a year before getting engaged to somebody. The way he made it sound was that he would propose by end of the summer. He kept asking me how long I think is appropriate to wait and I didn't have an answer. My mum always said that I should see person through every season of weather before getting married. Technically with pregnancy the seasons have been altered compared to a normal relationship so don't know if it would mean that starting from baby was 2 or something then a year or what. But she also said I should wait till 30 before marriage and kids. We both want same things for our lives, want to travel with the kid and see the world. I feel like I know him like the back of my hand. But a part of me also doesn't want to be judged for being that girl who got married just because I got pregnant or for getting married so young. My brother and mum are the only ones who don't have problem with partner's age because they've had years of parents evenings and report cards telling them I'm extremely mature for my age. How long would/did you wait before marrying someone?

my partners 7 years older than me and i'm more mature than him!

Honestly I'd get married now if I was in your position, you sound happy, he sounds nice and it is also the most sensible thing for you to do to protect yourself. Esp as the norm is for the lower earner (you) to end up taking more sick days, pt hrs, less flexibility in work etc and that will massively affect you earnings and pension in the long run. (I know that si forever away at 20 but now is the time to thing about this stuff).

Why are you hesitating?

OP I would give it a go and get married you have already got a kiddy on the way so this will be just a way of cementing your commitment to one another. Know one really knows if it's the one but sometimes you need to take a leap of faith and make it work.

No way would I be getting married at 20, and there is no chance I would be happy if my daughter did it.

You say you're old for your age- fair enough, you've done more than lots of 20 year olds. But by 20, I'd been in a long term relationship for 3 years, had a daughter at 18, suffered domestic abuse, split up with her dad, started a career while a single mum, and was in the process of buying my home- a lifetime of experiences. I was in no way at all old enough to commit my life to someone. I would have told you I was, I would have been very wrong.

A few acquaintances did do it at that age (though only maybe 3), and they are all divorced- they changed too much in their mid- late 20s, divorced well before 30th birthdays.

As for the age gap being a problem, then it depends on your view point. 9 years when older isn't a lot. But for a nearly 30 year old with a university student, it seems too big. I'm 32 now, the thought of a 23 year old partner is very puzzling to me. Those ages would usually be on opposite ends of the spectrum, with the older ones approaching a settling down age, and the younger one trying to enjoy everything uni has to offer! That said, if you've got an old head and he's got a young one, then you could meet in the middle.

He does sound like he treats you nicely, but why the rush for marriage and the future? Wait until you know that you're truly rest to tie the whole rest of your life to this man.