How to deal with historic abuse if abuser is ok now.

[malificent7]

It's about my dad again....i need to gow low contact. He was awful to me when i got witb my dp...critisizing my career and showing zero empathy.

He's ok now..neg...fairly pleasant but his past vwhaviour rankles. Is this hoovering?

Also it's my 40th and my dad and his gf want to go out for a meal with me. Im still pissed off so id rather go with just dp and the kids.

I told them i wanted a quiet one and they thought it's because in upseg about turning 40. Er no...im bloody delighted to be 40 but im still peed off.

Plus when i got an inheritance my dad 'looked after it' for me. Kicking myself now.

Trouble is he is being ok atm and if they are not invited there may be some stupid deama etc.

Is the best tack here to forgive and let them take me out?
I will be having my own party without them too.

It sounds awful but i dont want to go nc.

I got with my dp two years ago so the abuse was from bk then.

malificent,

Why do you not want to go no contact?. That is a question you are going to have to ask yourself, what do you get out of this non relationship with your dad. Is that really your own FOG (fear, obligation and guilt) talking?.

He was not a good parent to you when growing up and he is the same now. He is "looking after" your inheritance (which you will likely never see again short of obtaining your own legal advice) and is ordering you about. He has not fundamentally changed since your own childhood.

Where are your boundaries here re your dad too?. You are your own person, you do not have to go out with dad and his gf just because they want you to do so. Would you tolerate this from a friend, you hopefully would not and your dad is no different. These people create drama wherever they go and thrive on same; they do not care about the chaos they leave in their wake. All your dad cares about is him.

I presume you have not spoken to him about your money he is "looking after" for you; he is using that as a further stick to beat you with. That was your inheritance money and presumably as well you were browbeaten and otherwise coerced into handing it to him.

Money has gone...i spent it...on some good things but also on foolish things...my fault. ive no idea why i let him look after it though...weird.Im still confused about it.