Complex PTSD and domestic abuse

[WellDoneTiger]

I have been told by a Rape Crisis counsellor that I have CPTSD. This is a new one on me and I had only heard about it in abstract terms. I feel quite shaken and so many things are reeling about in my head. My decades long (abusive) marriage, the awful sexual things that I treated as normal, a terrifying upbringing. On and on it goes.

In so many ways I have come to terms with my parents just being terrible parents and the reasons how and why they behaved as they did, I now see in a different light. Having thought I'd recovered from the depths of hell when I met my husband, I was so wrong. I leapt into fresh depths of a different kind.

Are you still married?

I myself have a bad past, abuse, emotional, physical etc., but I don't think about it because to do so would cause either a breakdown or depression. Its not easy but you have to recognise it so you won't be vulnerable again. If you dwell you won't be able to move on and have a life. It isn't easy but if you want a future with a different life, then talk it out with a therapist and put it in a box and shut it forever.

Dwelling on things is not a lifestyle choice. It is what happens when someone is falling, or in the grip of depression. I narrowly avoided incarcaration (not enough beds), and at that time I certainly wasn't dwelling on stuff! I managed to get a roof over my head and complete a big project. I was still sideways when I finished it, just a different sort of sideways. For the first time in my life I actually felt like a fellow member of the human race and not a sub-species, and for the first time in decades I no longer had an eating disorder.

What is happening now is very different. It feels different. Shit, but different. This time, hopefully I have a few tools in my kit to see a clearer way forward. It's still horrible.

and put it in a box and shut it forever
And this is what causes PTSD years down the line.

I'm sorry you have to go through this OP.
But the therapy will help you.
So many people don't realise they are going through this.
Well done on tackling it.
Now to understand it and learn how to deal with it all.

It all sounds so so horrible.
Are you also in contact with Womens Aid.
Maybe speak with them and do their Freedom Programme.
That will also help you.

I'm on the Freedom Programme. It's fantastic and brilliant to be amongst women who understand. It's the first time I've spoken about much of this stuff to anyone, and great to be able to begin to articulate what has been going on. I am on the waiting list for counselling with Rape Crisis. I never anticipated in blue fit that I might have PTSD!

I did consider that my husband might be affected after he punched me. That was a very long time ago. Now I just see him as an abusive man and I don't care what is or isn't wrong with him.

Bravo you Tiger

You done good, You're doing good. I'm in the CPTSD camp for the same reasons as you.

So glad you're doing the FP. It's wonderful isn't it?

Yes, it's amazing! I did a couple of sessions a few years ago and then stopped. It's that cycle of abuse.... It's been about 6 years since MNers pointed out that I was being sexually assaulted. It took me a further 4 to understand and go to the police. My husband's behaviour has deteriorated so much, although he has stuck to his word and hasn't touched me since I told him a couple of years ago that I didn't like being groped when I was asleep. He was furious at me. This is probably why I didn't say anything for so long. He told me it was his way of showing affection and that I was his wife. I have long had glimmers that I am married to a sex offender, then shoved those thoughts well under the carpet. Under the floorboards and into the ground.

Had gp appt today. More valium. I have never, ever felt the anxiety I have been feeling since July. I have felt truly terrible for most of my childhood and into adulthood, but not like this. This is new.

At the moment my husband is being Mr Normal. I no longer trust him and yesterday he was spitting vitriol at me. He has done nothing, absolutely nothing about getting the house on the market, and nothing to help prepare it. He told me yesterday that he wasn't interested and had no intentions of fixing a hole in the wall in his office. Frankly his moods frighten me. It's a mass of passive aggression.

I spoke to my solicitor who is drafting a letter to his, stating that we may have to go for an occupation & non mol if he doesn't get his act together. This is risky as the judge doesn't like handing out these orders. Gah.

Once you get the turd him out of your life, your trauma symptoms will seriously decrease.

thinking of you Tiger

I hope so! I popped into an estate agent where one of the agents is also a magistrate. I was given some info about people who can help clean and de-clutter which is fantastic.

Husband in a foul mood this morning after receiving a letter from his solicitor. I don't think it can be the response to the letter my solicitor wrote to his about being obstructive in preparing the house for sale. It is v hard and risky to go down the occupation and non mol order route. Judges do not like handing them out.

I'm off to bed.

The doc gave me 5mg of valium. I am sleeping better, but it is knocking me out during the day.
V annoyed. Racking through heating oil. I go round turning off radiators and my husband goes around turning them back on again. I think the house is too hot. No negotiation. No nothing.

there is an end in sight and you have the support in place now. I think I remember your posts. Just as an aside - you you have a lock on your door? Can you get one so that you can at least know that you are safe at night and also to at least turn off the radiator in your room.
And just open the windows, let some fresh air rush through

All the doors and all the windows in the house are open! All the radiators are on as well! Gah. My husband usually pays for oil. He's the one with the winter fuel allowance.

Everything today has been cancelled because of the snow. I feel like shit. This is horrible. I really feel that I have no future. It is such a familiar feeling. I feel sunk.