Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I just leave now or try and be grown up and talk?

7 replies

Rainer · 20/02/2018 05:55

Husband is badly depressed. But not doing anything to help himself. I'm at my wits end. He is angry, critical and selfish. He only shows interest when he is interested. I know this is related to his condition. I've tried for years to be patient and supportive and understanding.

Culmination came last night. I spent the day from 9.15 till six thirty decorating. He refused to help. He set playing computer games for the majority of the day after getting up late and complaining that I wasn't there for him to wake up to.

He found my socks and a gaming controller in the bed when he came to bed at two am. Starting shouting and throwing things around the room and told me he was sick of living with a womble.

My temptation is to leave with him none the wiser but we have children and I don't want to go without some kind of explanation. I could tell them I have to work away. I don't want to leave them. I don't really want to leave him but I need him to wake up and realise how he is behaving for both us and the children.

If I don't go he won't change anything. If I do go there is a strong chance I'll loose our relationship. He's stubborn and will likely decide I'm the cause of his problems. Which I may well be.

OP posts:
Phillipa12 · 20/02/2018 06:30

Do you want to live the rest of your life like this? Do you also want your children thinking that this is a perfectly acceptable way for their dad to treat you? Depression is awful, but you can only hold the sky up for so long, and if he is still not wanting to seek help then you have to start thinking about your own mental health and that of your dc.

butterfly56 · 20/02/2018 08:13

Why give him an explanation?
You are already living walking on eggshells around the nasty piece of work.
Just get your own life on order and stop worrying about this man child.

Your children are being taught that his behaviour is acceptable and also are being affected it by it if you stay, which will cause bigger problems for them in the future.

You deserve so much better than an angry, critical, selfish self-centred. controlling, abusive H.
Plan your move and don't look back.

ChaChaChaCh4nges · 20/02/2018 08:15

You can’t leave the DCs with a severely depressed parent though. If you leave, take them too.

BrownTurkey · 20/02/2018 08:20

Don't walk out on the DC, whatever age, that might be irreparable. You are going to have to be grown up and plan it I'm afraid.

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 20/02/2018 08:23

Did I understand well? You want to leave him (depressed, selfish and volatile) with you children (who will most likely be neglected and emotionally abused if you are not there) so he can wake up and smell the coffee?

What planet are you on? You go to counselling or end the relationship but you do not gamble your future and your children welfare to see if he may be, just maybe, realise that he needs to get off his arse. You are at risk of loosing the house and the children just to see if it may work...

Softkitty2 · 20/02/2018 08:42

Do not leave your dc. If you do leave, take them with you or kick him out

AttilaTheMeerkat · 20/02/2018 08:43

What do you get out of this relationship now?. What is in this for you still?.

What do you think your children are learning about relationships having you two as their role models?. Its not their fault that their dad has decided to embark on his own private war against you as his wife.

Why do you also have to be the one to leave?. I would not want to leave the children with such a volatile, abusive and selfish individual either; if its not good enough for you to stay with him why should they have to stay with him?. You want to divorce this man?.

Counselling for your own self alone would be advisable to plan your exit from this and also to determine why you have chosen to stay with him to date. You have a choice re this man, they do not.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread