Is this just a thing or an immature thing?

[tigercub50]

DH will often say something & then immediately afterwards say “ I’m only teasing you love” but sometimes the original thing could be taken as a little out of order & I believe he uses the teasing card to try to get away with it if that makes sense? It isn’t really a problem now as I call him on it & he apologises if he upsets me. An example was tonight when he asked me if he should buy a cycling jumper. He’s bought quite a few things lately so I suggested he wait a bit & he said “ Yes Mum” but I wasn’t amused. He then said he was only teasing. I guess he could just have bought it without saying anything ( I buy clothes without running it past him unless it’s something majorly expensive) but I thought that response was unnecessary. As I have said before, I am very sensitive. Just wondered if it’s a bit of a blokey thing & if anyone else can relate.

Anyone?

If it upsets you and he knows it, then he should stop. It’s a classic bullying technique- but it is also the dynamic in some couples/families. But if he knows you don’t like it, he shouldn’t do it.

It's a bit passive aggressive - only joking! to cover up what he really thinks.

Is he otherwise alright?

I think bertandrussel is right with the family dynamic thing. Is his family teasing and gestful? Might not be a mean spirited thing but him bonding with you. If you've not grown up round this behaviour it might be why you take it so literally

I was ready to be on your side until you gave the example. 'Yes Mum' in response to a list of reasons why he needs to be sensible and hold off on buying an item of clothing? In that example, you are definitely being over sensitive. I'm amazed that that upset you.

My partner’s family are like this. Definitely just a family dynamic but I find it highly irritating and not funny and so do ask my partner to stop

My ExH did this constantly while we were together. It increased towards the end of our marriage. This wasn’t what finished it - his infidelity did that - but it was part and parcel of his lack of respect for me and his comments that were supposed to be jokes, became increasingly nasty. We had DDs too and that seemed to make it worse.

RainyApril that wasn’t a particularly good example. DH definitely does it less than he used to. My sensitivity comes from how I was brought up ( my parents are great but DM could be extremely critical) & also from when my marriage was emotionally & sometimes verbally abusive. I feel sorry for DH now as he has made such a massive effort to change & he does try so hard not to upset me but it’s not realistic to expect that we won’t have our moments. I am actually going to have some more counselling, partly to help me leave the past behind & partly to help me deal with resentment/anger I am still carrying about my Mum.
I met DH in my 30s & his family live upcountry so I didn’t have many opportunities to observe their dynamic. He admits that he finds it difficult to express himself at times so maybe some of the “ teasing” is disguising how he really feels

I didn't mean to sound harsh op. If it hurts you, it hurts you. I just know that I would struggle to live with someone who was upset by a throwaway 'yes mum'. When I think about the people in my life - family, friends, work colleagues - I know that this sort of comment would not garner a second thought. Having said that, your dh knew this about you when you got married, and he loves you, so I guess he should be able to keep a lid on it. In many ways it doesn't matter whether it's his family dynamic or not. If he can't stop doing it, or is walking on eggshells, and those comments hurt you, then it is time to call it a day.

Why did he even ask you if he didn’t want an opinion? he asked your opinion then had a dig when you gave a perfectly reasonable opinion. Was he baiting you?

he asked me if he should buy a cycling jumper. He’s bought quite a few things lately so I suggested he wait a bit & he said “ Yes Mum”

Yeah, I wouldn't enjoy that either - he is treating you like you're his parent, then "teasing" you for behaving like it.

In that case, I would have said "Oi, don't you ever call me that again. I wouldn't want to sleep with someone who acts like a child." But then, I have a very short fuse for men who try to re-cast their female partners as their mummies.

I would hate to have to ask my DHs permission to buy a jumper

It’s a family dynamic thing. DH and his family do it and I hate it. Although DMIL doesn’t like it when it’s done to her. I stopped having ‘no sense of humour’ when she did it to me and started returning it instead. She doesn’t do it now.

We don’t have to ask each others’ permission so in a way it’s odd that he asked me - perhaps he was aware that he’d spent quite a bit on cycling stuff lately & so kind of put the decision to buy something else onto me instead of just deciding himself that it might be better to wait a bit.