Opposites in every way possible :-(

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We have been together 12 years. We were set up on a blind date. My first serious relationship. He is no good for me I know that. Everyone tells me that. He makes my life harder. He isn't supportive. Hardly even speaks to me. He says it is because of his job that he can't be emotional. He works away weeks and months at a time and cannot contact us. I just wanted a nice relationship. Someone you look forward to seeing. Can talk to like a friend. Helpful in the home etc. Enjoy spending time together alone. I suffer with anxiety. Don't like to go out or socialise. I have depression and suspected autism. Is this true to most couples or am I day dreaming and the grass isn't greener? I know he loves me and I love him but I'm so jealous when I see other couples around me. Thanks x

Why do you love him? And why does everyone tell you he’s no good for you?

That's the thing I can't even say why. I never have anything nice to say.

He makes my anxiety worse. I.e. Away with work a lot. When home forgetful. Gets angry a lot. Messy. Not good with money. We don't socialise but even if he wanted to I wouldn't. We don't even watch tv together when he's home unless I sit and watch whatever he wants too. Some of it sounds pathetic written down. I know it's not for everyone but he's a Gemini and I'm a Cancerian (?) not well matched at all.

Is this true to most couples or am I day dreaming and the grass isn't greener

No it isn't. He shouldn't make your life harder. In a good relationship you support each other in every way.
Put aside your feelings for him for a moment and look at your relationship as though it belongs to another person, see it through their eyes. Is this what you truly want for the rest of your life?

You don't sound compatible

Is there anything good about your relationship?

Why can't he contact you when working away? I doubt there's many places on earth that are totally inaccessible for more than a few days. Even places like Antarctica and the deepest Amazon are contactable with the right equipment, like satellite phones for those that work in those remote locations. Sounds like he has a whole other life going on elsewhere and you'd be better off without him. You have plenty of practice of living alone while he's away for extended periods, so why not cut loose and set yourself free? Sounds like you'd be better off without him dragging you down.

Why are you settling for third best?
Are you of the mindset that having somebody, no matter how miserable you feel when they're around, is better than having no partner at all?
I split with my ex of 12 years in my mid thirties thinking I'd pointlessly wasted my childbearing years but after being on my own for about a year (which was perfectly fine as it happened), I met my now DH and had a child in my forties and honestly, life is a thousand times better than it was back then.
I actually thought my previous relationship was great, but looking back, it really wasn't.
Don't settle. Take a leap of faith in yourself and wait until you find someone who demonstrates their love daily.

Don’t stay with someone who makes you feel like this, life’s too short. No relationship is perfect but they should make you happy most of the time. You deserve better.

Have you spoken to him ?
You sound very unhappy, he seems to have a life, and you don't.
You don't have to stay with him Sweet.

Thanks for all your advice. I just think it's easier to stay out. I've applied for work for over two years. Had a job over Christmas but nothing since. I can't claim benefits as I'm married. I just don't think I have an option but thanks.

its unusual that people are telling you he is no good for you most people if they think that just keep it to themselves

If you moved out, you'd be separated and that's all you need to start claiming benefits.

Honestly, you would be happier poor and single than staying put.

That feeling of love is probably a mixture of familiarity and security. Like, you know the world can be cruel because he shows you that, so you'll stick to him even though he's unkind because at least he gives you direction.

You know what you want from a relationship. Make a decision not to give time to anybody who can't give you those absolute basics.