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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I'm in shock by new dp's sudden change in behaviour towards me

33 replies

DaffoDeffo · 19/02/2018 20:20

I have been seeing dp on and off for 9 months. He runs his own business (a trade like plumbing, electrician etc.). A friend of mine needed some help (with the area he is in) but he refused and said he has learned over the years it is better not to work for friend's friends so he did not want to do it.

He was away with his friends and one of them asked for some help in the area of work I am in. He volunteered my help without asking. I can now see he is one of those people who is terrified of being made a fool of in front of his friends.

I told him, straight away when he asked, that my company has a very specific way of working and if this friend wanted help, I could only do it in this very specific way.

This was a few days ago. I have asked the people in my team to get the information he needs but it will take a few days, doing it the way we work.

He has just phoned me now, absolutely fuming, saying he has found a better and more efficient way of getting this information and I am just making a fool of him, wasting his time and he can't believe my company works this way and there are better ways of doing it. I said errr I told you straight away this is how we work - I have 20 years experience in this area and we have found over the years that our way of doing it is a less expensive and more efficient (and productive) way of doing the work.

He has just sent me a message saying 'thanks for nothing, I'll do it myself'!!!

am I wrong in being mightily pissed off by his attitude? I have told him this is the end of our relationship if someone can have such awful double standards and be so bloody mean? he was totally disparaging about my work and the business (how can you work this way etc. etc.) - it was awful!

OP posts:
ineedamoreadultieradult · 19/02/2018 20:22

Yep he is a twunt, cut your losses and move on.

Aprilshowerswontbelong · 19/02/2018 20:23

Send him one word back.
Hypocrite.
And maybe 2 more words ending in off.

PickAChew · 19/02/2018 20:27

At least you've only wasted 9 months on the arrogant tosser.

Claydermansgirl · 19/02/2018 20:28

Aprilshowers has nailed it. Perfect perfect response

JustHereForThePooStories · 19/02/2018 20:31

He’s not your “partner”, he’s a boyfriend of a few months.
He’s a dickhole. Dump him.

giveitfive · 19/02/2018 20:32

Sounds like a lucky escape from a total fucknugget. Hope you aren't too hurt by it all.

blueskyinmarch · 19/02/2018 20:33

Reply back "Knock yourself out mate, don't come running back to me if it doesn't work out. In fact don't come back to me ever."

MsGameandWatching · 19/02/2018 20:34

Oh end it, he's a twat and this will be your life if you stay with him.

user1497863568 · 19/02/2018 20:42

He's a user and a hypcrite, not doing work for your friends whilst expecting you to do it (without asking) for his.

DaffoDeffo · 19/02/2018 20:42

I am hurt because I was actually trying to help! And I can see it is his pride that is causing him to behave this way.

weirdly he has been the perfect gentleman to date. Is solvent, good looking and I thought a nice guy. But I guess this is called showing your true colours and I should be relieved I've seen it now and not in a few year's time!

I can't see a way back from this. I don't think he wants to see me any more now that I'm clearly so incompetent Biscuit

OP posts:
eddielizzard · 19/02/2018 20:52

hypocrite. he didn't give a shit about helping your friends. i also suspect his friend will find that your way of doing things ultimately is better and will come back to him to ask for your help again. well, that would be nice anyway. but your dp has double standards. ie. no respect for you, but you have to have lots and lots of respect for him. ugh

MrsJonesAndMe · 19/02/2018 21:08

Sounds like you are well rid of him. How insulting of him.

hattyhighlighter · 19/02/2018 21:22

Don't be tempted to make excuses for him (pride etc) later when he's trying to win you back.
You've seen his true colours like you said. Of course he was nice at first, reeling you in. Now he's being an arsehole and will be nice/arsehole/nice/arsehole repeat. Walk away before that is your life.
Totally rude and disrespectful of him and ridiculous double standards.

StellaHeyStella · 19/02/2018 21:48

I have told him this is the end of our relationship if someone can have such awful double standards and be so bloody mean?

I was cheering you on when I read this op, you've dodged a bullet there, at least it's only nine months of your time he's wasted. Move on for sure.

ChickenMom · 19/02/2018 22:18

Wow! Massive red flags! Dump dump dump!

DaffoDeffo · 20/02/2018 08:08

thanks - your responses made me feel so much better. I was actually very shocked last night and felt quite physically ill. That never happens to me. But i was very shocked by his sudden change - thank god I saw it now and not further down the line.

I just cannot believe he could be so mean and horrible! He just refused to listen to my reasoning and was hurling abuse at me about being useless and no wonder my company is so shit etc. etc. It really was quite astounding

don't worry, there is no coming back from this

OP posts:
Sugarpiehoneyeye · 20/02/2018 08:13

Never mind love, he's shown his true colours, and they're not pretty. You have had a lucky escape.

ClemDanfango · 20/02/2018 08:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fekko · 20/02/2018 08:17

Did his friend say something disparaging to him? Either way, his behaviour is just not on.

LizzieSiddal · 20/02/2018 08:21

You should be so grateful this whole incident has shown his true personality. Yes it must be bloody hurtful, but you’ve got rid of someone who’s a hypocrite, bullying, and has a nasty temper.

expatinscotland · 20/02/2018 09:50

He's not a partner. He's a shit boyfriend. Get rid. Don't delay. He's showing his true colours, that's why you wait a while before considering someone a partner. He sees you are there to enhance him, but he, the Mighty Peen, is superior to you.

You own him nothing. You can dump him however you see fit, ghost him, send him an email, text. He will not listen to you because he doesn't care about your feelings. A simple, 'This doesn't work for me anymore. This relationship is over.' And then block.

Gabilan · 20/02/2018 10:01

You see OP, what you have to understand is that wimmin, with their wimmin's brains cannot, with their 20 years experience in a field, hope to compete with a man who has spent 5 minutes on google. I found this out at work recently. A man I had spent 3 hours training then knew my job better than I do, a woman with 3 degrees in it and 20 years experience.

I'm sorry someone you thought was decent turned out to be such a prick. I hope your anger and disappointment soon becomes relief and happiness.

DancesWithOtters · 20/02/2018 10:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TatianaLarina · 20/02/2018 10:05

He’s obviously very insecure. (And a complete twatt).

Ruddygreattiger2016 · 20/02/2018 10:07

Wow, you sound amazingly strong dealing with this, op. Seriously wish more women were as forthright as you!!Flowers

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