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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

So worried about friend

5 replies

Ickyockycocky · 19/02/2018 14:27

My friend has been married to her DH for 25 years. We've known for a while that he's not exactly nice to her. He once said to us that he only lets her drive when he's had a drink and then he doesn't notice how bad her driving is. I was appalled at the time as her driving is perfectly good and even if it wasn't, a crack like that is out of line. There's been lots of other stuff like this. He increasingly undermines her confidence, telling her that she cannot manage things and he needs to make decisions for her.

Anyway there's loads more to it and recently he's really upset her. She's having counselling and is on a big dose of anti-depressants from the GP.

We met up last week for coffee and she's clearly not right. I think she should leave him because he's making her so unhappy. I didn't exactly say that, in so many words.

She's been dependant upon him for everything, she just gets pocket money from him but she's recently come into some money, so she's in a position to make a life away from him. The problem is, he's already happily spending her money and she's going along with it.

There's obviously a limited amount I can do. I've suggested she hangs on to her money for now, so she has choices about her future.

How can I help her?

OP posts:
Aprilshowerswontbelong · 19/02/2018 14:31

She needs to magic that money away before it's an asset in divorce. Does she owe you a few grand maybe?? Could she buy stuff for a new house and stash it with you? Rental property ASAP?

Ickyockycocky · 19/02/2018 14:35

I think he's undermined her confidence so much, she's unable to do anything to help herself. I'm worried about saying too much to her and alienating her. She'd be even more isolated then, which is what he wants I'm sure.

OP posts:
Bananalanacake · 19/02/2018 14:35

Be there for her. I'm amazed he hasn't stopped her from seeing you. He sounds like a right abusive tosser.

Ickyockycocky · 19/02/2018 14:38

That sums it up nicely, an abusive tosser!

OP posts:
Ickyockycocky · 19/02/2018 16:03

The counsellor has described him as controlling and dominating. How can I rescue her?

OP posts:
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