Advice please xx

[Mikethenight2good]

Background: recently seperated, young family, amicable separation with my ex. Lots of heartbreak and unsettling for the children but longer term it's the best thing. Emotionally I am quite fragile so the below may seem trival and me acting like a 15 year old. But right now I feel quite vulnerable and not my usual sterdy headstrong self. So please be kind......

Started something with someone I have grown close too last year. We worked on a project and became close friends. I was attracted to him, but didn't act upon on it as i was just going through the separation and didn't need to complicate my life further. Due to various reasons we saw each other again in the new year and I asked him out. He said yes (shocker thought he would laugh in my face). We have met up, I am still fond of him and he said he has always liked me, but due to the situation I was in at the time he also didn't act upon it.

This is where I am now really confused. Initially after I asked him out he was texting / calling regularly. Then it just dwindled down. I thought to myself "he is not that into you" and I left it. I was quite heartbroken as i do really like him but just need to get on with it. Then he sent a text at the end of last week asking how i was. I responded and asked a few questions back. Heard back nothing. I called him. He doesn't answer nor retuns my call. I don't get it. What is this bollocks of playing hot and cold. I am not good at this dating lark, the last time I went on a date was with my now ex husband which was 17 years ago so I have no clue what is going on. I just needed to chat to someone as i don't really have anyone in RL to talk to about this.

Thanks for reading....xx

I cant tell you what is going on in his head, but he doesn't sound overly interested so I would stop contacting him now. It really doesn't sound like you are in the right place to be dating, modern day dating is tough and for the thick skinned, most definitely not when you are feeling venerable.

You need to get comfortable with being single and in time think about dating.

Thanks. I am definitely not ready for dating, it was just we had grown close so was acting on my feelings.
You have pretty much said what my head says but matters of the heart are conflicting with it at the moment. I feel quite heartbroken over the situation.....

Hi op,

Sorry to say but he just doesn't seem that interested. Him texting then ignoring you is him keeping you on the back burner, just giving you a snippet of attention to keep you interested incase he doesn't get a better offer.

I know how harsh that sounds but in my experience as the poster above says dating is for the thick skinned and you don't sound ready.

Ignore his texts, even if he comes back with a flurry of excuses as to why he didn't respond or answer like "I was watching tv, I was working, I was reading, I fell asleep, I was with friends"...the list goes on. He will just keep you dangling and mess with your head.

Take some time to adjust to being single x

The fact he was a friend was always going to hurt more than if he had been a random. I've made this mistake twice and was really hurt by both men because I expected so much better of them. I'd be tempted to block his number until you feel stronger.

Well thanks for your post. I think I just needed to hear that. Sound advice.
xpost yes it hurts because he was a friend. I think I was too over invested. Unfortunately I can't block his number as we are connected through work so need to speak to each other professionally.

Oh damn, so you've still got to deal with him professionally. If and when that happens just be bright and breezy, don't let him know he's got to you.

This is really not the time to be asking people out. Forget about romance until you are over the other relationship. He is being opportunistic whilst you are at a low point, without a man, and therefore desperate for attention or sex from any man...supposedly.

When you are ready you won't be heartbroken. Its him not you.

Oh damn, it sucks that you have to work together.

Do you have a separate phone for work? Could you write his number/email down in your work diary/laptop and delete him from your personal phone?

He has been a dick to you and doubtless he's this way with all women, so try to see the positive that you've seen his true colours early on before wasting more time on him.

Maybe he was something to be excited about again in the aftermath of your breakup? If so - is there something else you could get excited about, like starting to learn a new language/skill/sport, spend time volunteering, decide to take yourself on holiday later this year and spend a lot of time researching it?

Invest in yourself right now, and your DC.