What to do?

[MrHolmes]

What to do?

Changed my name. I'm a male. Just looking for thoughts.

Tiny background 1st. I don't look at love the same way anymore that most people might, with another woman. I don't know, not heard many people talk/think about it as I do...Maybe you do, I don't know.

I have 3 wonderful kids. Me and my partner have our ups and downs, nothing is perfect.

I won't leave my kids. I love them and enjoy every moment I can with them, sometimes like we all do I want to give them back 😁

I don't and am not looking for another relationship. I am done with the conventional relationship that most of us have. I enjoy my partners company but lately I enjoy my own so much more. I get to do what I want. I like it when she goes out and I love catching up with her when she comes back.

When She is away for a weekend, I have a great time with the kids. We do fun stuff and there is nobody around to tell me what to do. If she wasn't here I would cope 100% on my own. Sometimes I prefer it that way because I know what I need to do and get done.

The kids are very happy and I would hate to break that up. I really can't complain or shouldn't. I am constantly trying to do things, my partner on the other hand doesn't seem to want anything from life. I think even though to others she seems so happy, I think she is depressed. I'm no picnic either, but I always have something I want to achieve, she doesn't. She will talk about stuff but never do it.

Personally I would love to just have an agreement where for the next 10 years we just agreed to live together, be nice to each other, like we are already are and then move on.

We share some similar interests but we are so different in so many ways. Sometimes I feel she just wants me so she has someone around and vice versa. We both need each other for what we have to work (financially)

I would miss her and as I said above I really don't want anybody else. I'm done with relationships. I'm 44 I have my kids and I know what I like and what I don't like.

What the hell do I do now?

Sounds like you should do nothing?

Unless there is some burning reason that you want to split up...?

If the two of you are rubbing along ok there's no need to rock the boat. Unless I'm missing something?

What is it that you want to change in your situation?

That's the thing. I don't know. If I were to say this to her she probably wouldn't like to hear it even though I suspect she probably feels the same. I really don't know. Basically at the moment I want what I have but without the pressure of having to show the affection she probably wants. Without feeling if we haven't had sex, she is thinking how long it's been since we've had sex, which puts pressure on me to. She literally makes no effort to have sex with me but brings it up every now and again about the fact we haven't had sex even though she literally makes no effort. At the moment I have no interest, so we haven't had it and for the 1st time in years I am quite happy with that. I don't think she even wants it at the moment. She has health issues and I think that has made her further depressed. I really don't know. I just get the feeling all she wants to do is nothing at the very 1st moment she can. She really doesn't make effort with many people any more, it's all hard work for her and she just can't be bothered. I think this can't be bothered attitude is affecting me. For instance, I have heard about how many books she has read when she was younger, but I have seen her read less than 5 books in the time we've been together over 11 years.

I FEEL that she shows me hardly any affection and that I am the one that has needed to show her it over the last many years. I even spoke to a therapist about this. As sad as it sounds I wanted to keep a chart of the times I went to her and not her to me. Of course I didn't but I felt like I wanted to just so when she complained about the lack of affection I could say you never show me any either.

Honestly...I just want to be able to have an agreement that (at this stage) we have no real intimate relationship, no massive common ground, apart from our kids. We just exist in the same house and have kids together. Once the kids are in bed I just want to do whatever I want with nobody telling me I can or can't. I always take care of my duties. I cook, clean, look after the kids, school pickup, homework, bedtime bath time etc. I want her there sometimes, like I feel she wants me there too but that feels about it. I feel she is another duty and if I don't perform that duty she will feel neglected. The thing is I don't feel I get that from her and I don't really care either. I just want to relax and feel I have no other duties to perform apart from what I already do with my kids. I love my kids and even though it is a duty, it's a duty I love as a dad.

It sounds rubbish but we do enjoy each other's company. We both listen to each other, make each other laugh but apart from that it feels like convenience. To some that may seem fine but to me I think what's the point? I really don't know!

Sorry. Not sex for years, maybe 4 to 6 weeks. Sometimes it's 3 times a week, sometimes it's 3 times in 8 weeks.