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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Can I love him again?

7 replies

winters123 · 18/02/2018 23:41

My husband has done nothing wrong but I don't think I love him anymore. He's a great dad, worships me, looks after us well but we have no spark. I've tried to recreate with date nights but we could easily sit in silence, we used to laugh loads and could chat for hours, lucky if e can chat for 5 mins now. Little things he does annoy me so much and I've totally gone off him sexually. The thought of sex with him makes me feel a little queasy and I flinch even if he touches my shoulder in passing. We've not had sex for nearly 4 years. We go on family days out etc and our boys have fun but sure they pick up on my tension. Things are so much easier and boys are so much calmer when he's not around. When he goes away for work I look forward to it and life is so much easier and stress free when he's not here. I don't know what's happened to make me fall out of love with him, I do want to again as don't want to go on like this. I don't want to split up as I wonder if I might love him again since day, but I feel I should let him have a chance at proper happiness with someone better than me. He says he's happy with me and life as it is and doesn't t think there is any problems. Anyone been in similar situation, can I make my love for him come back or is it pointless?

OP posts:
Sunflowersandsnow · 18/02/2018 23:47

Honestly? No

It would be the kindest thing for both of you to go your separate ways.

winters123 · 19/02/2018 21:54

Nothing counselling could help with? My oh is happy to go on as we are. I'm worried about leaving and hurting the boys then having to move house, schools etc. We couldn't stay around the area we're in now as I couldn't afford to stay here. What a mess!

OP posts:
RandomMess · 19/02/2018 21:56

Why not try couples therapy, what have you to lose? It may get you both talking very honestly and intimately and perhaps that is what got lost along the way?

mehhh · 19/02/2018 22:00

I would try couples therapy and talk through the issues with him and see if you can resolve it

RandomMess · 19/02/2018 22:08

If you separate at least you have a "safe" place to talk it through.

Cuban8 · 20/02/2018 07:25

Sorry to hear about your predicament. It can't be easy.

One line that really jumped out at me was "He .. worships me". Honestly, I think this a NEVER a good thing. Relationships that are healthy and connected are usually fairly equal. I have friends in similar positions to yours (on both sides of the equation) and from the outside it always looks so obviously imbalanced that I'm not surprised to hear the troubles their in.

I've also been on both sides of the equation myself. I remember worshipping someone for five years and feeling like the more I did, the less I was loved. The realisation many years later was a huge light bulb moment in my life.

Can you take a step back and look at your own relationship in this light?

Whattodo2022 · 20/02/2018 08:20

After 4 years of no sex, he doesn’t think anything is wrong?

It will be very very hard to bring this back after 4 years.

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