He's ended it. Again

[Chipsandchicken]

4 years down the line and he has totally broken my heart again for the 3rd time. I swore I'd go nowhere near him again after the last but here I am again like a love struck teenager crying in to my pillow. How can I love someone so much when he doesn't give a Shit about me? Nothing makes it feel any better. I ring, text and beg for him to change his mind and I don't know why because my rational head say he's bad news let him go. All my friends want me to find it in me to let him go and never have him back. I posted on here a year ago and with all your support I managed to sort myself out and moved on with my life. He come back, I told you all he would and I was weak and welcomed him with open arms. I was too embarrassed to post back on here about it. Anyway he's done it again, he's called it off. I'm a mess, back to square one. I don't think I can do it again. I don't know what I'm asking or posting for because I'm sure I won't hear anything I don't already know. I'm scared for the morning, I'm scared to wake up feeling so hurt and sad.

Don't be embarrassed. Take comfort in your friends who sound nice and supportive. Make this time the last time. Remember your better than anyway he's treated you.

Chips, I'm so sorry you're in this awful situation. It is so hard. It's like an addiction - in fact my counsellor told me that no contact is like cold turkey, you have to do it, because any contact just keeps the addiction going. And we're weak and we want the rush so we think it won't hurt, just one more time, to see him, talk to him. And here you are, another year down the road, having to deal with withdrawal again.

All you can do is steel yourself for the heartache you're feeling and know that you can move on, have a good life without him. But next time he comes crawling back remember this feeling, don't give him the benefit of the doubt. Remember the ways in which he has hurt you and make a conscious decision not to get hoovered back in.

and for you xx

@Chipsandchicken how are you doing?

Get angry. Stick some powerful woman music on.

Tony Brixton - he wasn't man enough for me.

That sort. And stay mad. It helps. Don't beg. Delete his number.

Thinking of you

This isn't healthy. ..it sounds more like an obsessive love, than normal love to keep taking him back.

You don't sound resolved that there won't be a forth time.

Is there a reason you don't think you can do better than him?

Is he such a good catch? Rich? Good looking? Great personality? Kind? Great in bed?

Something must be pulling you back in.

If someone kept repeating stealing money from you would you give your handbag to look after?

Of course not.

So why are you handing him your heart?

He’s an utter shit. Spend time with your friends and block him on all social media/phone etc. Write Not Known At This Address on any letters that arrive and put them back in the post.

Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself - I don’t need that shit in my life. Keep saying it until it feels natural.

@Thistlebelle that’s a great analogy.

I had asked my exDP to get a ring resized for me. However I would have had to go with him as I realised I didn’t trust him to take care of it. I know he would have lost it or left it in his car/hanging around his house for his kids to play with etc

It was a family heirloom (and only now I’ve had it resized and valued myself do I know how much it was worth both £££ and sentimentally!)

I had a realisation that if I don’t trust him with a ring, which is special but let’s face it, replaceable (albeit with a copy), why am I trusting him with my heart, which is my one and only and was being permenanetly scarred by his behaviour and lack of respect?

OP listen to your friends and your rational head. You deserve better. Read the baggage reclaim website and also have a look at some writing around codependency. It makes for interesting reading and might set you off on a journey of self-care, loving yourself and expecting better.

Maybe write it all down now. Then, when you weaken and want to ring him and beg him to come back you can look back over your writing and where you've listed down the numerous ways in which he's a scummy wanker, and talk yourself out of it?