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Original poster

Those of you that use dating sites..

14 replies

ThisLittleKitty · 18/02/2018 19:55

If you have children and use dating sites are you honest about it on there or do you tick to say you don't have any? Just wondering. Also would you be put off if someone said they didn't but you found out they did when meeting.

OP posts:
Ickyockycocky · 18/02/2018 19:57

I have used dating sites and met DH on one. You have to be honest if you're looking for a relationship because you will get found out. If someone lied to me I'd wonder what else they'd lied about.

101trees · 18/02/2018 20:01

Yes I do usually say I have children, but not any details.

I didn't on tinder though as when I was on there it was only for casual dating and didn't see the relevance. In the end I did end up dating someone from tinder for a while and told him later on that I had kids. He was fine with It, but it could have gone the other way and I think I might have felt unnecessarily hurt by the later rejection because of not saying so up front (even though it's absolutely fair enough if you don't want to date someone with kids!).

So from that perspective I think it's better to be up front, even when casual dating. Saves wasting everyone's time and potential hurt feelings (irrational or Not!).

Skarossinkplunger · 18/02/2018 20:12

I always stated I didn’t have children on my profile and I was always glad when men were upfront on their profile and said they had as that would be a deal breaker for me.

Conversely I was always advised not to disclose that I worked with children for fear of being targeted by paedophiles.

forumdonkey · 18/02/2018 20:14

I also wouldn't disclose that I had children for the risk of being targeted by paedophiles

IfNot · 18/02/2018 20:19

No I never said I had children . I just kept it blank. I'm frankly astonished that women say they have children on dating sites.
If I got as far as a first date and I got on with them just would mention it. I'm an adult, it's not a shocker that I am also a parent, and it was never a problem.
But putting it on a profile? No.

Skarossinkplunger · 18/02/2018 20:25

If a man I was chatting to hadn’t mentioned children I would always ask before we got to the first date.

fortunacookie · 18/02/2018 20:25

So you prefer to be dishonest Ifnot? Hmm

AthenasOwl · 18/02/2018 20:47

Personally I wouldn't put it on a profile, it's very sad but I worry that it would attract people interested in children..I know that's a horrible way to think but unfortunately it happens.
I met my current husband online, I didn't disclose the fact that I had children until he suggested we swapped numbers. I told him and gave him the option of continuing or I said if that was an issue for him we won't swap numbers. I don't feel I was dishonest.

IfNot · 19/02/2018 10:22

No. It's not dishonest. It's just not publishing every little thing about myself. I am under no obligation to "be honest" to faceless nameless strangers I may never meet!

Once we had coffee or whatever, and I felt comfortable, I would mention it.
Men mention children more on dating sites but they don't always, and that's fine with me.

IfNot · 19/02/2018 10:23

I love that you have a "current husband" Athena! WinkGrin

forumdonkey · 19/02/2018 11:20

@fortunacookie these are strangers on the internet, why would you feel obligated?

VetOnCall · 19/02/2018 11:46

If you're just after hook ups/a FB then having children is irrelevant, but if you're looking for a proper relationship then it's hugely important. Whether or not you put it on your profile is up to you but at the very least you need to tell potential dates at the chatting/vetting stage before you actually meet them in person and potentially waste both your time.

I'm female with no kids and I'm doing OLD at the moment. I'm looking for a serious relationship and I don't want to meet someone who already has children. It's something I always check at the chatting stage - although I would expect them to be upfront about it by that point or it's just lying by omission - but if it somehow got to the point where we actually met up and they then dropped in 'oh by the way, I have kids...' then to say I would not be impressed is an understatement. It would be a short date with no chance of a second one. Dishonesty, or at best disingenuousness is not an attractive trait.

Original poster
ThisLittleKitty · 19/02/2018 12:03

Ok I will be honest. I found my exes profile on a dating site and he has said he "doesn't have children" so that is dishonest and a lie. Personally when Ididnt have kids I wouldn't have wanted to date anyone with kids so I would have been put off by it so it would annoy me if someone wasn't honest about it from the begining. (Atleast before meeting anyway.) anyway when I mention to people ex had lied and said he had no kids people said maybe he didn't want to attract the wrong kind of people, but I don't think it's that as I don't know any woman that would seek out a man with kids. I think he didn't put it there as he thinks it will put people off. So I wondered if this was somethig people were generally dishonest about.

OP posts:
forumdonkey · 19/02/2018 12:22

Fuck these poor OLD's as I mother I'm going to safeguard my DC's wherever possible. If not putting I have DC's on a profile and I am not targeted because I haven't, I'm going to do it. When I met my Bf I knew nothing about him, not what he did for a living, kids, how he became single. Once I got to know him and all about him I had a choice to stay or leave

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